Wikipedia:Peer review/Eunos MRT station/archive1

Eunos MRT station

I've listed this article for peer review because I want it to be a GA. Please give comments on grammar/cohesion.

Thanks, Imbluey2. Please ping me so that I get notified of your response 01:35, 10 October 2024 (UTC)

Airship

Hi Imbluey2; as requested, I'll provide comments for a future GA nomination, especially focusing on grammar and cohesion.

• What is "the Eunos area"? It should be linked at least, and a general indication of where it is in Singapore would not hurt.
• "Other landmarks include the Masjid Darul Aman and the Mangral Vira Buddhist Temple." as in other landmarks in the Eunos area? The topic of this article is the station, and per MOS:INTRO the first paragraph needs to define why the topic is notable. You shouldn't be talking about other landmarks here.
• "First announced to be on initial MRT plans in May 1982, it was later announced to be constructed as part of Phase II of the MRT system on October 1983." this is clunky. I would simplify it down to "Plans were first outlined in May 1982, and its construction was announced in October 1983 as part of Phase II of the MRT system".
• The next two sentences are similarly convoluted and should be combined into one.
• The sentences about the failures of the stairs are very disjointed, mostly because you say each time "it was repaired"—that is assumed, it would be quite odd if whoever ran the station just shrugged and forgot about it. The incidents should simply be listed in prose.
  • You also don't need to provide the full details about the 2000 incident, just say something like "in 2011, eleven years after a man died after falling onto the tracks and being run over, platform screen doors were introduced, along with XYZ fans."
• The last paragraph of the lead could be combined with the first paragraph.
• "with the Okumura Corporation undertaking all the responsibilities of Contract 303 and Oh Teck Thye to cease all interests in said contract" everything after "and" is redundant—you're saying the same thing twice.
• "41% of the contract has been completed" pay attention to the tense
• "It added that works were underway to fix the first set of stairs" were the works completed?
• breaks → brakes
• "This resulted in the man trapped between two cabins, who was breathing" this is ungrammatical, but mostly means that the cabins were breathing. Not what you meant. I would instead add "Still breathing" at the start of the next sentence.
• You repeat "platform screen doors" three times in two and a half sentences. You can replace the latter two uses with "they" or "them".
• "as part of $17 million contract" an "a" is missing before the dollar sign.
• "Being part of the EWL" "being" isn't correct, you'll want "and" instead.
• "which was part SMRT's idea to give the Phase II stations "an ethnic touch". Specifically, designer of the station Scott Danielson of Parson Brickerhoff "the more [he traveled], the more disturbed [he became by] architects failing to reflect their own culture"" you are missing several words here. I don't know what you want to say in the first part, but the second sentence needs a verb.
• "malay" should be capitalised, no?
• " there are two murals created local artist Erica Wee" again, you miss a "by".
• Some information in the infobox, such as bicycle facilities and accessibility, is not mentioned in the body and is therefore uncited.

A work in progress, methinks. Ping me if you have any questions. ~~ AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 23:56, 31 October 2024 (UTC)

I've implemented most of your suggestions, though I will do the rest soon. Apologies for the myriad of grammatical errors and incohesive phrases, the article was edited as part of a personal project to improve MRT-related articles to a decent standard as quick as possible. Anyways, thanks for the comment! Imbluey2. Please ping me so that I get notified of your response 10:38, 1 November 2024 (UTC)