Wikipedia:Peer review/Richard Nixon/archive2

Richard Nixon

Previous peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
. I've listed this article for peer review because… I intend to nom it for FA in due course. I'd like all feedback that can be given. Not just the prose and referencing quirks, which I am still working on as I nominate. Things you think should be in there. Things you think should not be in there. EVERYONE has an opinion on Nixon. The tape's running ...

Thanks, Wehwalt (talk) 21:44, 16 July 2011 (UTC)

Tim riley comments

You suggested that one's "international perspective" might be helpful, but at first read-through I didn't see anything that an Englishman would view differently from an American. I'll keep my eyes open. Meanwhile, the first batch of the usual tiny quibbles:

• Early life
  • "refraining from drinking" – some pedantic soul at FAC will object to this, and insist on the literal "refraining from alcohol"
  • "for an hour each way his freshman year" – is there a "during" missing here, or is this a US -v- UK thing?
  • "Richard had greater success" – Perhaps just "He" at this point?
  • "Richard generally rose" – ditto
  • "vegetables … to wash and display it" – "them"?
  • "When Hannah Nixon took Harold…" – rather convoluted: what about something like, "Harold had been diagnosed with tuberculosis the previous year; when Hannah Nixon took him to Arizona in the hopes of improving his health, the demands on Richard increased, causing him to give up football"
  • "Nixon was snubbed by the only one for men, the Franklins." – do we know why? It would be interesting to know.
  • "In 1933, Nixon became…" – another "he" rather than "Nixon" here, maybe?
  • "The number of scholarships were greatly reduced" – I offer this very tentatively, but I think I'd write "the number … was…"
  • "Nixon later spoke" – another possible case for a pronoun vice the noun.
• Early career; marriage and war service
  • "the Nixons moved began their married life" – missing an "and"?
  • "where Richard Nixon took" – just "Nixon"?
  • "but Nixon had sought" – "but he…"?
  • "Richard Nixon was limiting" – just "Nixon" again, do you think?

On the two disambiguations, I am making sure I am not attacked by feminists, after all "Nixon" alone could be Pat Nixon. It would be sexist to assume she was not the one getting the job.--Wehwalt (talk) 16:00, 17 July 2011 (UTC)

More to come. This is a most enjoyable PR. Tim riley (talk) 15:36, 17 July 2011 (UTC)

Second batch:

• Congressional career
  • "run a strong campaign against Voorhis" – against him?
  • "Nixon won the election by over 15,000 votes" – to put it in context for foreigners could we have a snapshot of the voting figures, e.g. 45,000 to 30,000?
  • Possessives of surnames ending in "s" – you have "Chambers'" but "Douglas's" in successive paras – perhaps standardise on one form?
• 1952 campaign; vice president
  • "the general took the high road in his campaigning". – I think for outsiders this needs a little amplification
  • "civil rights leaders were decided" – undecided? Tim riley (talk) 18:40, 19 July 2011 (UTC)

I'll get on these shortly. The length of the article, of course, was unavoidable. I cut it back from 147K to 111K and feel pretty good about that. It would have had a very hard time passing FAC at 147K. Of course, even at 111K, it could be tricky--Wehwalt (talk) 19:42, 19 July 2011 (UTC)

Last lot of comments

• China
  • "Nixon and Kissinger were soon summoned" – rather a strong word: makes them sound like lackeys
• Soviet Union
  • "met with Leonid Brezhnev, the General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union, the Chairman of the USSR Council of Ministers Alexei Kosygin and Nikolai Podgorny, the Soviet head of state" – reads oddly with Brezhnev and Podgorny's job titles after their names but Kosygin's in front of his.
  • "Out of this 'summit meeting' " – quotes necessary for this familiar phrase?
• Pardon and illness
  • "He was visited by President Ford in the hospital, Nixon was at the time under subpoena" – semicolon rather than a comma needed here
• Return to public life
  • "the former president founded the Nixon Center, a policy think tank and conference center." – Two centers in a row – perhaps another term the second time?
  • "Richard Nixon was deeply distraught during the service" – adverb necessary? I'd say one is either distraught or one isn't.
• Legacy
  • "With Ronald Reagan and George H. W. Bush, Richard Nixon was the chief builder of the modern Republican party" – citation needed
  • "Clinton, whose wife served on the staff of the committee that voted to impeach Nixon –" this is interesting, but how relevant is it to Mr. Clinton's estimate of Nixon?

Never heard their political opinions differed that much, and at least two sources mention this, so it's not just me.--Wehwalt (talk) 14:46, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

• References
  • Ref 123: "British Broadcasting Company" – Corporation, please.

A remarkably small number of points from such a substantial article, but all I could find. I enjoyed it very much, and thought it commendably well balanced: it must have been a tricky task. – Tim riley (talk) 20:51, 21 July 2011 (UTC)

Thank you. I did my best. Thank you for such a thorough review, I'm a bit behind but will be addressing these next couple of days.--Wehwalt (talk) 21:52, 21 July 2011 (UTC)

Ssilvers comments: Just a couple of comments on the Lead that I hope will be helpful:

• "During his presidency, he achieved a cease fire". I think "achieved" is too positive a spin on this. Plus, the same sentence says that he "achieved" détente with the Soviet Union. The first mention of Watergate does not indicate the Nixon had any responsibility for it - I think It should say what he was accused of, right off the bat, and perhaps that he was under a serious threat of impeachment.
• "a position shared by thousands who had violently demonstrated against the war in the late 1960s." Should be millions, not thousands. Most protests were not violent. The sentence sounds like Nixon was a liberal who opposed the war. But he was merely acknowledging the widespread unpopularity of the war. It could be written, "a position shared by millions of Americans who had demonstrated against the war in the late 1960s." Or, instead of "demonstrated against", it could just be "opposed".
• In domestic policy, he achieved nearly full desegregation of Southern schools, established the Environmental Protection Agency..." On the other hand, the transcripts showed that he was a racist and antisemite. Re: EPA, he had no love of increased federal gov. regulation - the establishment of the EPA was, again, just good politics.
• "he presided over man's landing on the moon" - yes, but the project had been started by Kennedy in 1961. The statement is true but somewhat misleading.
• The Lead section almost exclusively mentions Nixon's accomplishments (giving him credit for a lot of events that were set in motion before his term of office) and hardly touches upon charges of his critics. It does not mention his red-baiting, racism, etc. So, I think the tone of it needs to be shifted a little towards a balance between his "achievements" and his very serious character flaws, "dirty tricks", etc. -- Ssilvers (talk) 17:58, 17 July 2011 (UTC)

I have pushed it in that direction. I have to give the question of Nixon's statements on the tapes a little thought. He said these things, yet he supported Israel and affirmative action. It will have to be very carefully introduced.--Wehwalt (talk) 18:18, 17 July 2011 (UTC)

Good changes. I made a few more changes to the Lead to shift the tone a bit more. Feel free to edit as you believe necessary. -- Ssilvers (talk) 13:46, 18 July 2011 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments I am away from home at the moment and have struggled to find online time, so I haven't read much yet. A couple of points from the lead

• The first paragraph should mention the highly significant historical fact that Nixon is the only US president to resign his office.
• I'm not sure that the third paragraph, even as amended, is a satisfactorily balanced snapshot of Nixon's presidency and feel that this may need further modification.
• The 4th paragraph lists a somewhat unconvincing trio of "crises" - was US support for Israel in the Yom Kippur War a "crisis" comparable to the other two mwntioned?

I will read in more detail when I get back. Brianboulton (talk) 23:25, 18 July 2011 (UTC)

Thank you, I will look at this in more detail.--Wehwalt (talk) 23:55, 18 July 2011 (UTC)

I've added the fact he is the only prez to resign and played with the fourth paragraph. I think the third paragraph is an appropriate recounting of his administration's polices and does not need to be balanced in paragraph with a "He did dirty tricks too!" The prominent marks of his disgrace in the lede are something probably not found in any other presidential article and I am thinking serve to sufficiently balance the lede.--Wehwalt (talk) 08:22, 19 July 2011 (UTC)

HJ comments

Well, it's not often someone nominates an article like this for review! Did you pick Nixon because of personal interest, or were you just looking for the most controversial politician you could find? ;) Anyway, to business. Some of these are thoughts for consideration, rather than things that would need to be fixed before FAC, some are minutiae that I happen to notice, but you'd most likely fix before FAC anyway, and others are areas I think can be improved. Make of them what you will!

Lead:

• I guess it's a matter of opinion really, but I would put the lead in chronological order, with his early life etc in the first paragraph and so on.
• I think the first three paragraphs are nice and balanced, but I wonder about the third: Watergate gets just a passing mention, and you seem to assume that the reader is familiar with it (most probably will be, to a greater or lesser extent, but it's worth explaining); the Arab oil embargo seems to be given greater weight than Watergate; There's no detail on his second term and his resignation isn't mentioned (granted, it's mentioned in the first para), then we jump abruptly to his pardon and from there, via one very short sentence, to his death some 20 years later.
• If you were to put the early life stuff in the first paragraph, you could spin his retirement out into a new paragraph if you thought it worthwhile.
• I can't help but notice there are a lot of links, and many of them seem not to be following the principle of least astonishment. All I have time for right now, but more will follow, likely in dribs and drabs! HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 17:26, 21 July 2011 (UTC)

Thank you. I suppose Nixon was President when I came to political awareness, and he also lived in North Jersey not that far from where I grew up, in fact my younger brothers met him in a Chinese restaurant in Montvale in his final years. I will be addressing your comments within a few days. --Wehwalt (talk) 21:52, 21 July 2011 (UTC)

Early life:

• Prose gets a little choppy in the second paragraph (and you have a commas that looks like it was intended to be a full stop)
• Fullerton High School in Fullerton.—Where else would you find it?

I love LA, personally, so I know that. Will non-Americans remember that was on a freeway sign just somewhere around Disneyland?--Wehwalt (talk) 20:44, 24 July 2011 (UTC)

• Where was he educated before Fullerton?
• his expenses there covered by a bequest—whose?
• Did he get a scholarship for his second and third years?

Early career; marriage and war service:

• Semi-colons tend not to work too well in section links; perhaps consider replacing it with a comma?
• What year was he commissioned, and what was his rank? Ensign (rank) perhaps?

Rising politician

• I'm assuming this is the US Congress (as opposed to state legislature, for example), but the article doesn't make it clear

No state legislature is called "Congress". The term is not ambiguous.--Wehwalt (talk) 19:35, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

• He supported statehood for Alaska and Hawaii, voted in favor of civil rights for minorities, and supported federal disaster relief for India and Yugoslavia.[62] He voted against price controls and other monetary restrictions, benefits for illegal immigrants, and public power.—is it just me, or is that quite a liberal voting record for a Republican? Any idea if that was a typical record for a Republican at the time? I do understand that might not be easy or even possible to find.

Nixon was considered a moderate conservative then, with much of the "conservative" coming from the anti-communist. Republicans were quite pro civil rights, it wasn't Democratic votes that passed the '64 act, you know!--Wehwalt (talk) 19:35, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

• How did they select Nixon for the VP nomination? Was there a formal selection process? Did he have competition?

Smoke filled room. No kidding. Herbert Brownell, the General's aide and later Attorney General, gathered the wise old men of the Republican party into a room and they discussed a number of candidates: Taft, Dirksen, but Nixon was really the overwhelming choice. Gellman gives considerable detail about the deliberations, I can easily add more.--Wehwalt (talk) 19:35, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

I think a brief mention of the selection "process" would be worthwhile. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 00:47, 30 July 2011 (UTC)

• Did the Kitchen Debate have nay effect on Nixon or his politics worth noting?

Not as far as I can tell. Nixon gives pretty much a play by play in his memoirs (that is, RN), but doesn't mention any change in his views. I really don't think he thought that much of Khrushchev, although he did try to visit him when traveling in the USSR as a private citizen in the mid sixties.--Wehwalt (talk) 15:42, 31 July 2011 (UTC)

• however Nixon refused to consider contesting the election—why?
• Brief synopsis of Six Crises would be nice
• Why did he stand for governor if he still had his eye on being POTUS?

1968 presidential election

• Although Pat Nixon did not always enjoy public life, she was supportive of her husband's ambitions,—an anecdote or something to support this would be nice

Up to date, I think. Many thanks for the comments. It's a long article.--Wehwalt (talk) 02:01, 30 July 2011 (UTC)

Not a problem; it's a fascinating article to read and review. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 00:53, 31 July 2011 (UTC)

Presidency (1969–74)

• A link to POTUS might be worthwhile

I thought we were not supposed to link in section titles, fouled up the machinery or something?--Wehwalt (talk) 01:58, 31 July 2011 (UTC)

Sorry, I didn't mean in the header (which has been known to muck up section links, I think), but somewhere in the text if it fits. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 02:04, 31 July 2011 (UTC)

• The first image in the section, File:Richard Nixon 1969 inauguration.png, could do with being a little bigger
• Might be worth noting why the feelers were sent out to China so secretively
• recognized Taiwan as a part of China...—was that a departure from previous policy?

Not particularly. Beijing wanted the US to recognize it as the legitimate government. They settled for broad outlines and the key thing was the commitment to peace.--Wehwalt (talk) 01:37, 31 July 2011 (UTC)

• the Soviet Union yielded to American pressure for détente ...with the US?
• Not directly relevant to Nixon bio, but were all draftees allowed to leave immediately upon the end of conscription, or was there a later date when the military were all volunteers?

Conscription died with a whimper rather than a bang. They prepared for a draft of those eligible in 1973, but there was no need for additional troops. They managed the number they were taking in. So I believe they had to serve their time. I think I read about a year that the last person to have entered the military as a draftee had retired.--Wehwalt (talk) 01:37, 31 July 2011 (UTC)

• Why is "détente" italicised in the Soviet Union section, but nowhere previously?
• It was hoped that détente would replace the hostility of the Cold War and the two countries would enjoy peaceful relations. and isn't that the definition of détente?
• A little more on the how the oil crisis ended (and Nixon's role, if any) would be nice.
• (Economy section) Which war? I would surmise Vietnam, but the Korean war is mentioned immediately prior and that ended 16 years before Nixon took office.

All those things are done (I sliced most of the text in the detente area once I realized it was just repeating itself). Thank you for a most thorough review.--Wehwalt (talk) 01:58, 31 July 2011 (UTC)

• First image: Probably worth naming the presidents—I recognise Nixon, Ford and Reagan instantly, but not the other.
• ...and blocked his planned trip to Australia—was this supposed to be a visit in some sort of official capacity? And, if not, how/why was it blocked?

No, but he wanted an official invitation. He wasn't interested in seeing Bondi Beach, he wanted to meet with people.--Wehwalt (talk) 23:45, 31 July 2011 (UTC)

• Why did he got to the Shah's funeral, and why in defiance of the State Dept.? Had he known the Shah well?

He felt you don't let down your allies. He actually flew coach from Paris to Cairo to get there in time, something with staggers me slightly.

• Are there any free images of his funeral?

Yes, there are. At the Clinton library, and not online. I'm working on that one. It all depends if I have to go through an outside vendor to photograph contact sheets and so forth, in which case I wouldn't bother without going to Little Rock, which I have no plans to do. I do not believe professional photographers used digital cameras in 1994.

Other comments

• It matters not whether you use the serial comma or not, but do so consistently

I think the answer is "yes" in this article.--Wehwalt (talk) 23:54, 31 July 2011 (UTC)

• There are a lot of images (33); are they all necessary? And could they be spread out a little more?

I'm going to wait for the FAC comments on this one, as the images are a major part of the article. There will be some.

• The article currently contains over 700 wikilinks, and I'm not convinced all of them are useful, much less necessary. Perhaps consider trimming a few?

I'll read through it and aim to delete some.

• Missing(?) material:
  • I don't know if there's more that could be added to the legacy section. Internationally (I don't know about within the US), his image remains quite negative, and if this can be sourced, it should be added imo.

It's one of those things that you can write as much as you want about.

• • Didn't he have a a perspiration problem? Hence the cartoon portrayals.

Mentioned briefly under Personality, though it was an exaggeration.

• • What about portrayals in fiction? I'm no fan of the stereotypical "in popular culture" section, but I'm sure there are several notable portrayals of him—Futurama (cf. Richard Nixon's head!) comes to mind.

This article is going to provoke complaints about length and size as it is. That is a nonessential and there is no room. There was one at one time, and there is discussion on talk about it, I warned I would remove it during renovation, I did, and no one has complained.

I think that's about it. An excellent article, and one I'm sure will do well at FAC. I'm impressed. I came to the article with a largely negative perspective of the man, but I think the article does a superb job of placing him, and his achievements and shortcomings, in context. It's left me with a much more balanced view of him, and certainly leaves the impression that his foreign policy achievements are overlooked. Having such a fine article on a subject as important as this is brilliant for Wikipedia's reputation and in getting it to this stage, you (and others, of course) have done a real service both to this encyclopaedia and to knowledge.

• • Oh, and "-gate". That just about every major controversy in the western World was given the suffix "-gate" (and still has been recently) is worth a mention, probably in the legacy section. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 23:37, 31 July 2011 (UTC)

Is that Nixon's legacy or Watergate's? There is a difference.

Thank you very much for your thoughtful comments and your time spent with the article. Nixon was the first president I had real knowledge of growing up, and after doing seven Nixon-related articles through the process, it is more than time he got his due at FAC. I am more hopeful than I was a month ago that it will pass, but even with a well-publicised PR, literally anything could happen at FAC. This sort of article is totally unpredictable.--Wehwalt (talk) 23:45, 31 July 2011 (UTC)

I think that's about it. An excellent article, and one I'm sure will do well at FAC. I'm impressed. I came to the article with a largely negative perspective of the man, but I think the article does a superb job of placing him, and his achievements and shortcomings, in context. It's left me with a much more balanced view of him, and certainly leaves the impression that his foreign policy achievements are overlooked. Having such a fine article on a subject as important as this is brilliant for Wikipedia's reputation and in getting it to this stage, you (and others, of course) have done a real service both to this encyclopaedia and to knowledge. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 23:24, 31 July 2011 (UTC)

Brianboulton further comments: It's a pleasure to back with Tricky Dick, who was probably the first US president I took an interest in. Here are detailed comments on the first few sections. I am reading on and will post more.

Lead

• "cease-fire" is hyphenated in British English, maybe not in AmEng?
• "When it proved that Nixon had been aware of..." does not sound right. "When it was poved that..."
• "He was controversially pardoned by his successor, Gerald Ford". Needs to be preceded by "After his resignation..."

Early life

• "His father converted from Methodism to Quakerism after his marriage". Needs a "had", and perhaps the sentence should appear earlier?
• "Four of the five Nixon boys were named after early English kings". Harold, yes; Edward, yes; Richard, yes; Arthur? not really - if he existed at all he was hardly an "English king".
• vivacious lifestyle? I would imagine something more racy is intended: "Bohemian", "unconventional", "dissolute" etc?
• "rarely ... rarely" (in same sentence)
• "In 1928, the Nixons permitted Richard to transfer to Whittier High School for his junior year, beginning in September 1928." Why give the year twice?
• "Richard could be ill-spared" - slightly quaint phrasing. A more idiomatic constuction might be "Richard could not be spared".
• "Rather than fraternities and sororities..." → "Instead of fraternities and sororities"
• "Nixon received a full scholarship to Duke University School of Law". Date?
• Pipe-link faculty, as the word has more than one meaning. Delete redundant "as well" after "faculty"
• "students ... students" (in same sentence)

Early career etc

• "He began practicing with Wingert and Bewley in Whittier..." Presumably this is the name of a law firm; this should be stated.

Congressional career

• What was the "Committee of 100"?
• "Whittier Bank of America branch manager Herman Perry..." A six-word prefix identifier makes for heavy-handed prose. I would reword this: "Herman Perry, Whittier's Bank of America branch manager..." - and remove the commas before and after "before the war"
• "When Nixon was discharged from the Navy at the start of 1946..." In the previous section Nixon "resigned his commission". I would change "was discharged from" to "left"

The Navy was willing to have Nixon stay on longer, and offered him a promotion if he would. He did not want to. Your version is better because the formal discharge did not seem to go through until March 1, I gather he had leave coming. He stayed in the naval reserve for twenty years, and was promoted to Commander, but I find surprisingly few references to what he did. Probably nothing, once he was in Congress.--Wehwalt (talk) 16:26, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

• I would have expected at least a mention of Joseph McCarthy, in the text summarising Nixon's anti-communist activities. McCarthy is briefly mentioned in the Legacy section, otherwise not at all.

1952 campaign; vice president

• "A successful 1953 tour of the Far East..." Neutrality requires removal of the adjective
• Staccato prose - three successive short sentences: "On September 24, 1955, President Eisenhower suffered a heart attack. His condition was initially believed to be life-threatening. Eisenhower was unable to perform his duties for six weeks." Combine into a single smooth-flowing sentence: "On September 24, 1955, President Eisenhower suffered a heart attack, initially believed to be life-threatening, and was unable to perform his duties for six weeks".

Brianboulton (talk) 15:43, 22 July 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for the comments so far. I'm behind on comments but will probably do them in one fell swoop.--Wehwalt (talk) 18:45, 22 July 2011 (UTC)

I'm caught up now. I like the darker way this article is turning out.--Wehwalt (talk) 16:39, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

Not too much darker, I hope. I thought your original balance was pretty good. Tim riley (talk) 19:57, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

No, I think this is fine. I never really said what Watergate was.--Wehwalt (talk) 20:09, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

More comments

1960 and 1962 elections

• "...allowed the Soviet Union" → "...had allowed the Soviet Union"
• "Following the end of his term of office in January 1961..." Insert "as vice president" somewhere
• The "Bundesarchiv Bild" image has awkward white space between picture and caption. Can this be resolved?

I'm working on it. I can easily get rid of it, but I am not sure if we are supposed to keep the information in the caption with the image.--Wehwalt (talk) 22:03, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

I spoke too soon. Connormah trimmed it at my request, but for some reason the change is not showing up. Does anyone know why?--Wehwalt (talk) 22:29, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

1968 presidential election

• What, no "Bring Us Together"?

It's piped in the mention of Nixon's victory speech, which is really why that sentence is there! Commercial.--Wehwalt (talk) 22:03, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

• Could the caption of the Nixon-Johnson pic indicate that this was taken before Nixon's nomination? --Wehwalt (talk) 22:03, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

It's an amazing image, isn't it?--Wehwalt (talk) 22:03, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

Presidency (1969–1974)

• "...open to Isaiah 2:4, reading..." → "open at Isaiah 2:4, which reads..." (otherwise it sounds as though Pat was reading this out loud, which I think is unlikely).
• "an average of 300 American soldiers were dying each week". "an average" seems a bit cold and impersonal. Perhaps "around 300..."? I also think that "broadly unpopular" would read better as "increasingly unpopular".
• "Once American combat support ended, in 1975 North Vietnam was able to conquer South Vietnam" This makes sense if you relocate the comma after "in 1975", not otherwise.
• Are banquets "conducted"?
• "The following day, Nixon met with Zhou; the joint communique following this evening recognized Taiwan as a part of China, and looked forward to a peaceful solution to the question of Taiwan." Awkward mention of "Taiwan" twice in the sentence, and mismatch between "day" and "evening" - perhaps you intended "meeting"? At any rate, the sentence needs attention.
• "considerable progress over the last two years" → "considerable progress over the previous two years"
• Why say "not any significant breakthroughs" rather than "no significant breakthroughs"?
• "Nixon did more than double his percentage of the Jewish vote, from 17% to 35%." Not sure this sentence is useful here. Presumably it is referring to his 1972 reelection, though it doesn't say so.

It is, but on consideration it is best moved to a note.--Wehwalt (talk) 23:14, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

That's to the end of "Middle East policy". I'll try and do the rest tomorrow. Brianboulton (talk) 21:52, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

Thank you for your work. I think I'm up to date.--Wehwalt (talk) 23:14, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

More....

Economy

• "As part of ... as part of" in single sentence (and later, "for the most part...")
• "The controls were slowly ended, and on April 30, 1974, the control authority from Congress lapsed". Do we nead to repeat "control"?

Governmental initiatives and organization

• I got lost in the first paragraph, particularly: "The existing departments of State, Justice, Treasury, and Defense, with the remainder of the Executive Branch made parts of new departments of Economic Affairs, Natural Resources, Human Resources, and Community Development". This puzzling sntence seems intrusive; I can understand the paragraph if it is omitted.
• Link "conservation movement"

Civil rights

"In addition to desegregating public schools, Nixon implemented the Philadelphia Plan, the first significant federal affirmative action program in 1970". Reposition "in 1970", to avoid ambiguity.

1972 presidential campaign

As worded it appears that in 1972, Nixon still expected Ted Kennedy to be his Democratic opponent. This is surely not the case, given the fall in Kennedy's stock since 1969 and the fact that he specifically ruled himself out of the 1972 race.

Watergate

• Watergate hotel? Surely it was the office block they broke into?
• For the benefit of readers less familiar with this saga, it should be pointed out that Agnew's misdeeds and resignation were unrelated to Watergate in any way.
• Blockquote format inappropriate for very short quotes. Better absorbed into text.

I think this is a situation where this may well be the most famous quote of Nixon's career, and it should not be buried in a paragraph.--Wehwalt (talk) 15:40, 24 July 2011 (UTC)

Resignation

I listened to the soundfile of the resignation speech and it was fascinating. I remember hearing this in 1974, while on a camping holiday in Ireland, in a damp field, listening to someone's portable radio. What struck me then about the speech - and still does now - is its singular lack of penitence or admission of culpability. He is resigning not as an admission of wrongdoing but because the congressional arithmetic no longer adds up. He is sacrificing himself to spare the country the agony and inconvenience of a prolonged inquiry. If (note "if") some of his decisions were wrong, they were made in the best interests of the nation. The speech, I thought, reflected exactly Nixon's dual personality: bold and imaginative oratory on the one hand, devious and self-serving whining on the other. I think that these broader aspects of the speech, in particular the reluctance to admit guilt, should be mentioned in the article, rather than merely quoting the peroration (which really needs to be heard rather than read). Of course, his later mea culpa statement, after the pardon, again refers only to "mistakes", not wrongdoings

I'll have to leave this for a bit, as other duties call, but I will try to finish it later. It really is a very absorbing article with some fabulous images (and the speech). Brianboulton (talk) 15:04, 24 July 2011 (UTC)

I also remember the speech, in my case watching it with my parents one Saturday summer night. I've added a bit about what Nixon did in the speech, I could probably find more, but am hesitant to dwell too long on the point. All else is up to date.--Wehwalt (talk) 16:08, 24 July 2011 (UTC)

My final comments

• Pardon and illness

• "Following his resignation, the Nixons returned to their home..." There's an awkward disjunction between "his" and "the Nixons", though the sentence is technically OK. Recommend you alter it to something like: "Following the president's resignation the Nixon family returned..."
• Why did Congress reduce the resettlement allowance? Spite? Punishment?

Aitken thinks it is spite. Undoubtedly there were facially neutral reasons. Shared sacrifice, yada yada.--Wehwalt (talk) 00:06, 30 July 2011 (UTC)

• "Nixon was at his desk by 7 a.m" Insert a "daily" somewhere (or "most days")
• "Told by his doctors that he could either be operated on or die, a reluctant Nixon chose surgery". Why was he "reluctant" when the alternative was death?

• Return to public life

• "Nixon biographer Black..." If this is first mention, the full name should be given and linked (I note that you do this in the "Personality" section, later)

He's in the resignation section. --Wehwalt (talk) 00:06, 30 July 2011 (UTC)

• In the catalogue of former British PMs, "Ted Heath" reads oddly. He was informally referred to as that, but normally as "Edward Heath" (as, you wouldn't refer to "Jack Kennedy" in an encyclopedia article)

• Author and elder statesman

• "Nixon journeyed to the Soviet Union.[176] On his return from the Soviet Union..." When did he go? At present the wording is too curt, and unnecessarily repeats "the Soviet Union"
• Clarify location of the Nixon Centre
• I'm not sure that one dies of "health problems"; emphysema and lung cancer seem fairly emphatic illnesses.

• Death and funeral

• Pipelink EDT to Eastern Daylight Time

• Legacy

• I'm a little troubled by the depiction of Nixon as a "founder of the modern Republican Party". The Republican Party circa 2011 looks, from this vantage point, very little like the party of Nixon, whose orientation was basically centrist rather than rightist. This is not the place for that discussion, but I'd question wehther many of the party's standpoints owe anything to the influence of Nixon.

• Personality and public image

• "deemed by some to be derogatory towards Jews" seems somewhat restrained, given the evidence!

• Books by Richard Nixon

• I don't think a section should consist in ite entirety of a link. There should be a summary couple of sentences referring to Nixon the writer and the range of his books (some of ehich is covered in the earlier text)

- and that about sees me through. Phew! A formidable and highly important article, which in general strikes a fair balance in depicting this ever-controversial figure. On to FAC. Brianboulton (talk) 23:49, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

Thank you for your comments, I think you'll find your comments addressed.--Wehwalt (talk) 00:15, 30 July 2011 (UTC)

Coemgenus comment

• Just one lurker comment: you have Gellman in the notes, but the full cite doesn't appear in the bibliography. --Coemgenus (talk) 22:46, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

Ah so. Thank you, I'll get right on that.--Wehwalt (talk) 23:14, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

Malleus Fatuorum comments:

Lead

• "When it proved that Nixon had been aware of and had approved his underlings' efforts to cover up the scandal ...". That phrasing ("when it proved") seems rather odd to me. I'd have said something like "when it was proven".

Proven by whom? The Smoking Gun Tape pretty well set it all out there, but I can't say anyone did proving, except possibly Nixon. It's why I'm trying to soften it in this way.--Wehwalt (talk) 20:43, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

I could equally ask "proved by whom"? Why not something like "when it became clear that ..." as an alternative? Malleus Fatuorum 20:52, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

Early life

• "He then drove to the store to wash and display it". The previous sentence is talking about the vegetables that Nixon picked up in the family truck, therefore the subject seems to be plural, not singular as "it" implies.

• "The law school was new and sought to attract top students by offering scholarships, an approach that was also applied to the faculty". As the faculty weren't offered scholarships, that sentence doesn't quite work. Malleus Fatuorum 20:50, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

That sentence has been tossed around by reviewers. Let me take another stab at it.--Wehwalt (talk) 21:42, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

Early career, marriage and war service

• "He began practicing with the law firm Wingert and Bewley in Whittier". That may be an Americanism, but in Br English the verb is spelled with an "s", as in "practising".

It's correct in American English. I speak as a practitioner!--Wehwalt (talk) 21:42, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

Fair enough, I bow to your superior knowledge. Malleus Fatuorum 21:44, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

It looked odd to me, too, but I looked it up yesterday and what Wehwalt says is correct. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 22:04, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

I never doubted it. Malleus Fatuorum 23:55, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

Things seem a little quiet here. If the well's run dry, I'll look into nomming perhaps Sunday or Monday. Otherwise please feel free to continue making comments, or let me know there is more to come.--Wehwalt (talk) 14:23, 29 July 2011 (UTC)

Comments from Nikkimaria

Haven't read everything above, so apologies if I repeat something.

• This link is dead
• "He is the only person to be elected twice to both the Presidency and the Vice Presidency, to be nominated five times on a national ticket by a major political party, and the only President to resign the office" -> "...and to resign the presidency"?
• "He was elected to the House of Representatives in 1946 and to the Senate in 1950." - wikilinking is a bit odd here, can we standardize on one style for both?
• Why "U.S." in lead but "US" in article text? Why spaced endashes in the lead but unspaced emdashes in article text? Check for consistency on minor MoS issues
• Wikilink détente in lead?
• "Nixon was born on January 9, 1913 in a house his father built, to Francis A. Nixon and Hannah Milhous Nixon in Yorba Linda, California." -> "Nixon was born on January 9, 1913 to Francis A. Nixon and Hannah Milhous Nixon, in a house his father built in Yorba Linda, California."?
• "he was little used in games" - I think "little-used" is correct, although "rarely used" would also work
• "Instead of fraternities and sororities, Whittier had literary societies; Nixon was snubbed by the only one for men, the Franklins—many members of the Franklins were from prominent families; Nixon was not" - can this either be split into two sentences or otherwise reworked? It seems unnecessarily convoluted
• "disliking to hear frank sexual talk" -> "disliking frank sexual talk"?
• "Perry wrote to Nixon in Baltimore. After a night of excited talk, Nixon responded to Perry with enthusiasm" - if they're writing to each other, who was he talking to?
• "appealing to both Northern moderates and also Southerners" - "both...also" is redundant
• Speaking as a non-American, it would be helpful to link terms like "primaries" and "draft exemption"
• Be consistent in whether or not détente is italicized, and maybe add the parenthetical explanation earlier
• What are MIRVs?
• "the US had failed to intervene with Israel" - they failed, or they declined?

In Nixon's perspective, failed. Should have and did not. In Nixon's opinion.--Wehwalt (talk) 23:22, 29 July 2011 (UTC)

• re-election or reelection? cover-up or coverup? Check for consistency on hyphen-optional terms
• Spell out "%" in article text
• File:Carter_Nixon_Deng.gif - might be worth pointing out which person is which in the caption. Also, who is the extra person? Caption names three, but four are centre stage

Deng's interpreter. He's considered furniture.--Wehwalt (talk) 22:07, 29 July 2011 (UTC)

• A few doubled wikilinks: New Federalism, Egypt, Saudi Arabia, etc
• Why a.m. but pm?
• "The artist urges his audience to sit down, as the work will take some time to complete, "this portrait is a little more complicated than most"" - suggest either adding transitional wording before quote or changing final comma to a colon. Also, this anecdote may be better suited to the Legacy section

I've modified the language. Going to leave it where it is for now, these final sections may tend to get a little fluid.--Wehwalt (talk) 23:45, 29 July 2011 (UTC)

• Some stray markup in citations, for example FN 212
• Location for Schulzinger? Nikkimaria (talk) 21:50, 29 July 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, I will work through these.--Wehwalt (talk) 22:07, 29 July 2011 (UTC)

Thank you again for your review. I think these are up to date.--Wehwalt (talk) 02:01, 30 July 2011 (UTC)

I'd like to thank everyone for their responses. I think I have covered everything. I intend to nom this article for FA in about twelve and a half hours (I said I would wait until August and I am a person of my word). I will close this shortly before I do. Please feel free to weigh in with comments here until then, and I hope you will all participate in the FAC.--Wehwalt (talk) 15:42, 31 July 2011 (UTC)