User:Lord of steel

Lord Of Steel (LOS) is either an 18 year old student living in Northern Ireland or a 27 year old gardener from New Zealand. His real name is either Steven or Ivan. He is allergic to casual violence. He manages to use the internet without access to any modern technology.

This is the only real information that has yet surfaced. Everything else is simply speculation.

Origin

The origin of this most peculiar specimen has been the subject of debate by biologists, chemists and religious experts alike for some years now. The most commonly accepted theory is that he was born under no extraordinary events of average human parents. While this seems the most likely, other claim it is too simple to be true. Other popular theories that he was birthed at the dead of midnight over the grave of a liar by a black goat, that he was accidentally 'grown' in a now abandoned soviet laboratory by communist scientists seeking to create the world's most delicious and intelligent mushroom, and that he was sent as an emissary from an ancient alien race who wish to bestow upon us several blessings so that we may grow into such an advanced and enlightened civilisation as they are - in this case, he is the first of these gifts.

Appearance

There have been many reported LOS sightings all over the world, and as such there are many stories as to his true appearance. They are:

He a large, extremely overweight, white, and is completely bald.
He is identical to Isaac Hayes.
He is 9 feet tall and totally covered in thick red hair.
He is 6 feet tall, overweight, has an outdated haircut and wears eyeglasses.
He looks like a male Angela Gossow.

Whatever the truth is, it is known that he is totally irresistible to the opposite sex.

Musical Tastes

The most recent study into LOS, named Operation:Oh God Oh God Oh God Please Help Me, where a large group of scientists attempted to engage and communicate with the LOS, revealed that LOS mostly listens to Heavy Metal and Hard Rock music and the many associated genres and sub-genres. Many scientists died to obtain this information.
His favourite bands include:

Conclusion

In conclusion, stay away. Stay well away from the beast. The Lord Of Steel is not to be taken lightly. He is vicious, fierce, tight, inhuman, evil, tantalising, terrifying, delicious and exceedingly dirty.