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Comment: The draft is written in the tone of an essay or personal reflection. It may contain original research, and there is excessive detail. Try shortening it up so it is written more in the summary style of an encyclopedia article. Netherzone (talk) 14:53, 18 August 2024 (UTC) I've made some changes in tone, shortened some parts, and tried to leave "personal opinions" and essay-like ideas only when supported by references. I would be grateful if you could take a look at it again.[reply]
Comment: The tone was slightly cleaned up although it needs a lot more work. It still does not address the WP:OR or excessive detail issue raised by previous reviewer. CNMall41 (talk) 02:14, 28 August 2024 (UTC) Hi! I would be really grateful, if you could give me one-two examples of the part which you think could be changes in terms of tone or shortened in terms of details they contain, so to be more efficient. Thanks.[reply]
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Comment: The draft is written in the tone of an essay or personal reflection. It may contain original research, and there is excessive detail. Try shortening it up so it is written more in the summary style of an encyclopedia article. Netherzone (talk) 14:53, 18 August 2024 (UTC) I've made some changes in tone, shortened some parts, and tried to leave "personal opinions" and essay-like ideas only when supported by references. I would be grateful if you could take a look at it again.