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Talk:The Circus Starring Britney Spears/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Reviewer: CrowzRSA 01:17, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I am currently reviewing the article. CrowzRSA 01:17, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Lead
  • The should probably be a reference next to "The Circus Tour," in "commonly referred to as The Circus Tour"
  • "It was her first world tour in five years" would sound a lot better "Britney Spears had not had a world tour in five years."
  • "...following The Onyx Hotel Tour in 2004[insert comma here] and visited North America, Europe and Australia."
  • "The tour marked the first time Spears toured in Australia and Russia." poor English, reword.
  • "Jamie King was chosen as [insert "the" here] creative director [insert "of the tour" here], while Simon Ellis served as musical director."
  • "It was made up of three rings and..." again, poor English
  • "The sound and lightning was provided by Solotech." this would sound better "Effects were provided by Solotech."
  • "The setlist was composed mostly [insert "generally" here.] from her last [insert "previous" here] three studio albums."
  • Add link to Magician (Magician (paranormal))
  • Add link to Ringmaster (Ringmaster (circus))
  • "...displayed a fusion of different themes including magic, [insert "and" here] eastern culture and military..."
  • "Freakshow/Peepshow was [insert "is considered" here] the darkest and most sexual segment of the show..."
  • "A great number of tickets were sold after only a week of the announcement of the tour, which prompted promoters [insert "supporters" here] to add more dates."
  • "North America, as well as the fourth overall."
  • "The show also came into some controversy." - poor English
  • "On March 27, [insert year hear] two members"
  • Add link to Pittsburgh
  • "Pittsburgh and [insert "were" here] fired from the tour."
  • "While performing on the Vancouver date" - poor English
  • add link to Vancouver
  • add link to Uncasville
  • The lead DEFINITELY needs references, even if they are cited in other places throughout the article.
Infobox
  • "61 in North America, 22 in Europe, 14 in Australia ,97 total" - None of the continents should be linked.
Background
  • "On October, it was..." - change on to in or add a more specific date, but definitely add year.
  • "Spears was planning to go on tour to promote the album and was holding open auditions..." auditions for what?
  • "On February 2008" change on to in.
  • "On February 2008, it was reported that the tour was going to be worldwide. Spears had already rehearsed in private for a month at Millennium Dance Complex in Los Angeles, California, and would be leaving to Europe during the following weeks." - I believe these sentences could, furthermore should, be combined to one.
  • "However, the tour was finally cancelled due to unknown reasons." - Isn't this whole article about the tour.
  • "On September 2008" - change in to on
  • "shortly after New York [insert "City" here] radio station Z100" - also add link to NYC
  • "support her sixth studio album, Circus (2008)." - what's up with the (2008)? Add link to "studio album"
  • Add link to "choreographer"
  • "...the tour, Australian choreographer Wade Robson [insert comma here] said that..."
  • "would visit the United States, the United Kingdom [insert comma here] and would also reach Australia"
  • "On November 26, 2008, Spears announced two London dates on June 2009, her only European dates at the moment." - poor English
  • "...with the tour kicking off on March 3, 2009..." Kicking off should not be used here, per WP:NEO. "Maybe use launching" instead.
  • “blow people's minds and promises to show Britney's fans something they will never forget”." Period should go inside quotations.
  • "she goes full-speed the whole show" - change "-" (in "full-speed") to – (this will make it appear "–")
  • "It is everything everybody expects from her — and more!". - take off period.
  • "On April 28, 2009, eight European dates were added to the already announced eight London dates." - poor English
  • "See you guys soon!". take off period.
  • "for a second leg [insert comma here] visiting twenty cities."
  • "The tour was also rumored to reach South America. However, Spears manager Adam Leber denied this despite their efforts to do so." - I believe these sentences could be combined
  • "The tour [insert "It" here] was also rumored to reach South America."
  • "However, Spears [insert "'s" here] manager Adam Leber denied this despite their efforts to do so."
-CrowzRSA 20:03, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Development
  • "On October 2008..." replace "on" with "in"
  • Who is "Robson"?
  • "who had previously worked with her for the Dream Within a Dream Tour to direct the tour." would read better as "who had previously as director for Spears's the Dream Within a Dream Tour."
  • "He announced that rehearsals would start in January.", this should be merged with the previous sentence.
  • "His wife [insert comma here] Amanda Robson [insert comma here] was also hired as co-creative director."
  • Add link to choreographer (Choreography)
  • "The production design was in charge of Road Rage" - poor English
  • "a formed partnership between" - perhaps change partnership to alliance or something.
  • "During the early talks, we knew it was called Circus, and we came up with the concept of the three rings, and Britney loved it. We had a good idea of what the production design should be and then brought it to Jamie King who did the casting of the dancers and the acrobats, and he works with Britney on the flow of the show. Britney was very involved with choreography and set list.” needs a citation
  • "with a cost of $10 million." - perhaps too simple
  • "Props, including swings, couches, unycicles, stripper poles, a gold cage and giant picture frames, were designed by ShowFX Inc" - props should be linked.
  • "with 80 each VL3000s and VL3500s in various positions, and 60 VL500s built into the stage deck." What is a VL3000?
  • A lot of the sixth paragraph's sentences should be merged.
  • "About the setlist, Spears said that since she didn’t go on tour with Blackout, she would have to include some songs from that album into the tour and she was excited to perform so much new material for the first time." - poor English, definitely reword

"The finished setlist would include three songs from Circus, six songs from Blackout and five songs from In the Zone (2003)." remove "(2003)"

  • "the only song performed of the album of the same name (1998)." remove "(1998)" and consider rewording "the album of the same name"
  • "with Spears playing [insert "as" here] his assistant"
  • "Alonzo said about the collaboration" reads bad, reword to "Alonzo said that the collaboration"
  • "Some of it's pretty scary, but she gets right in there with no reservations”." period goes inside quotes.
  • "They worked by recreating classic circus outfits" - poor English
  • "The cheetah headdress represented an animal." isn't that obvious?
  • "She took it off at the end" - be more specific.
  • "first number" What does this mean
  • "fishnets [insert comma here] and boots"
  • Add link to "jeans"
  • Add link to "tank top"
  • "full [insert "&ndhash" here] time"
-CrowzRSA 21:29, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Concert synopsis

 On hold CrowzRSA 21:29, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Commercial reception

 On hold CrowzRSA 21:29, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Crew arrested in Pittsburgh

 On hold CrowzRSA 21:29, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Vancouver ventilation problems

 On hold CrowzRSA 21:29, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Uncasville fan onstage

 On hold CrowzRSA 21:29, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Australian leg controversy

 On hold CrowzRSA 21:29, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Opening acts

 On hold CrowzRSA 21:29, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Setlist

 On hold CrowzRSA 21:29, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Tour dates

 On hold CrowzRSA 21:29, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Box office score data

  • Instead of having reference "[92]" in half of the boxes, make the rowspan for however many the reference names. Same goes for reference [91].
Result

It's been several days, and I really can't imagine all these things being fixed, since barely any of the comments I have submitted have been responded to.

  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
    Article appears to be stable.
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:
Good job on the article, consider putting it up for a Peer Review before re-nominating it. CrowzRSA 01:33, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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