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GA Review

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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.


Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Bobbychan193 (talk · contribs) 23:46, 24 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]


Hey there! I'll be reviewing this article over the next few days. Please be patient, and let me know if you have any questions or concerns. I've lived in Shanghai for a number of years, so this should be fun. Bobbychan193 (talk) 23:46, 24 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

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Prose  Done
  • Make sure all information in the lead is repeated and cited in the body of the article.
  • I suggest moving all citations into the body of the article and keeping the lead clean and free of citations (see MOS:LEADCITE)
  • "It is the most populous urban area in China, and the second most populous city proper in the world (after Chongqing)." Before this sentence, add With a population of 24.2 million {{as of|2018|lc=y}}, [...] for better context
  • Try to split up the middle paragraph; it's a little long. Maybe at "During World War II, [...]"
  • Expand the last paragraph. Try include a sentence (or at least part of a sentence) on each of the following topics: Shanghai cuisine, the Shanghai Free-Trade Zone, Shanghainese, culture (visual arts, cinema, performing arts, etc.)
  • There are a lot of famous events held in Shanghai every year (Shanghai Fashion Week, Shanghai Art Festival, Shanghai Tour Festival, Shanghai Movie and Television Festival, Chinese Grand Prix, Shanghai Masters, etc.); say something like "Shanghai hosts numerous international events, [...]" then either list 4 to 5 of the most famous ones, or say "spanning numerous industries including fashion, entertainment, and sports"
  • "As a major administrative, shipping, and trading city, Shanghai grew in importance in the 19th century" this seems a bit weird, since this paragraph talks about Shanghai's history. Was Shanghai "a major administrative, shipping, and trading city" in or before the 19th century? Probably not. The word "major" is also subjective. I would replace this entire phrase with a segue from early history, like "Originally a fishing village and market town, Shanghai grew [...]"
Infobox  Done

Prose

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Overall reminders and comments

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Subsections

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Etymology  Done
History  Done
Ancient / Imperial history  Done
Rise and golden age  Done
Wartime era / Modern history  Done
  • "The Battle of Shanghai in 1937 resulted in the occupation of the Chinese administered parts of Shanghai outside of the International Settlement and the French Concession." change to "In 1937, the Battle of Shanghai resulted in the occupation of the Chinese-administered parts of Shanghai outside of the International Settlement and the French Concession."
  • "People who stayed in the occupied city of Shanghai saw no end to their suffering. They experienced death, hunger, destruction, and oppression on daily basis." change to "People who stayed in the occupied city suffered on a daily basis, experiencing hunger, oppression, or even death."
  • "[...], during which time many war crimes were committed." change to "; many war crimes were committed during this time."
  • "People's Republic of China" first instance; link
  • "over the next decade" is used twice. I would delete the first instance, because even today, Shanghai, Beijing, and Tianjin are still their own provinces.
  • "Shanghai underwent a series of changes in the boundaries of its subdivisions over the next decade. After 1949, most foreign firms moved their offices from Shanghai to Hong Kong, as part of a foreign divestment due to the Communist victory." both of these sentences are unsourced
    •  First sentence deleted (it overlaps with the next paragraph). Second done.
  • "divestment" link
  • "the Communist victory" change to "the PRC's victory" or "the Liberation Army's victory"
  • Some of these citations are incomplete. Specifically: "Problems and Planning in Third World Cities (Routledge Revivals), edited by Michael Pacione"; "Metropolitan Planning and Management in the Developing World: Shanghai and Guangzhou, China"; and "The Party: The Secret World of China Communist rulers". These seem like book titles, so do a quick online search and add any author names, publishers, publishing years, ISBNs, etc. you find.
  • "86,300 hectares" "591,000 hectares" use the {{convert}} template. Replace hectares with square kilometers (km2 in the template), and have either acres or square miles in parentheses.
  • Keep in mind MOS:LINK (and specifically MOS:DL)
  • "the urban districts were reduced to 10." what does this mean? There were 10 districts left? This should be clarified. Either say how many districts there were before this reduction, or clarify how many districts got removed to get to this result of 10.
  • "During the 1950s and 1960s, Shanghai became the center for radical leftism since it was the industrial center of China with most skilled industrial workers." change to "As the industrial center of China with most skilled industrial workers, Shanghai became a center for radical leftism during the 1950s and 1960s."
  • "Yet, even during the most tumultuous times of the Cultural Revolution, Shanghai was able to maintain high economic productivity and relative social stability." subjective-sounding sentences like this should be cited
  • "During most of the history of the PRC, Shanghai has been a comparatively heavy contributor of tax revenue to the central government, with Shanghai in 1983 contributing more in tax revenue to the central government than Shanghai had received in investment in the prior 33 years combined." too long; cut it down. Something like "Since 1949, Shanghai has been a comparatively heavy contributor of tax revenue to the central government; in 1983, the city's contribution in tax revenue was greater than investment received in the past 33 years combined."
  • "welfare" add "the"
  • The final few sentences are all uncited
  • "starting the massive development still seen today and the birth of Lujiazui in Pudong" change to "which started the massive development still seen today and created Lujiazui in Pudong"
Geography  Done
Beginning section  Done
Climate  Done
  • "Winters are chilly and damp, with northwesterly winds from Siberia can cause nighttime temperatures to drop below freezing, although most years there are only one or two days of snowfall." change to "Winters are chilly and damp—northwesterly winds from Siberia can cause nighttime temperatures to drop below freezing, although in most years, there are only one or two days of snowfall."
  • "Summers are hot and humid, with an average of 8.7 days exceeding 35 °C (95 °F) annually; occasional downpours or freak thunderstorms can be expected." change to "Summers are hot and humid, and occasional downpours or freak thunderstorms can be expected. On average, 8.7 days exceed 35 °C (95 °F) annually."
  • "in summer and the beginning of autumn" move to beginning of sentence
  • Delete "also" in "is also susceptible"
  • "none of which in recent years has caused considerable damage" change to "which have not caused considerable damage in recent years"
  • "The most pleasant seasons are" change to "The most pleasant seasons are generally"; change second "generally" to "usually"
  • "on 21 July 2017" move this earlier to after "registered"
  • Try to spread out the five citations at the end to make it easier for readers to find the sources for each claim.
    •  Moved some, but deleted those on the same subject
  • Add links for "Xujiahui" (either to Xujiahui or Xujiahui station; probably the latter; and add Xujiahui link for next appearance) and "China Meteorological Administration"
    •  That's more likely to be a weather station, so I linked Xujiahui
Cityscape  Done
Architecture  Done
Politics  Done
Structure  Done
Administrative divisions  Done
Economy  Done
Beginning section  Done
Finance  Done
Manufacturing, tourism, free-trade zone  Done
Demographics  Done
Beginning section  Done
Religion  Done
Language  Done
Education  Done
Transportation  Done
Public transportation  Done
Roads and expressways  Done

I have some free time, so I'll continue the review below. Bobbychan193 (talk) 04:10, 13 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Railway  Done
Air and sea  Done
Culture  Done
  • So before I begin reviewing this section, try to trim it down a bit. It's currently around 2300–2400 words, which is almost 25% of the entire article (around 9600 words). My suggestion: try to get it under 2000 words, or ideally under 1800 words, and we'll go from there. If you want to preserve some of the less important details and/or interesting facts, you can move them to other articles that might be more relevant or more focused on them. I noticed that there's no article for Culture in Shanghai; perhaps you can make one. Also, Haipai seems to be closely related to this as well, so maybe use that as a base for moving stuff. I know next to nothing about Haipai, so this is your call to make.
    •  Done
  • So, this section is around 1400 words now. (Well done!) I'm concerned about its readability given its length. Perhaps a few (like 3 or 4) subheadings would help. Reorder paragraphs if necessary.
  • "The culture of Shanghai was a combination" Something about the past tense makes this read awkwardly. Change to something like "The culture of Shanghai was formed by a combination" or "The culture of Shanghai is considered to be a combination"
  • "Examples of the Wuyue culture's influence includes Shanghainese language developed from the nearby Jiaxing, Suzhou, and Ningbo dialect, and Shanghai cuisine influenced by the Jiangsu cuisine and Zhejiang cuisine." Too lengthy. Trim to: "Wuyue culture's influence is manifested in Shanghainese—which comprises elements of dialects from nearby Jiaxing, Suzhou, and Ningbo—and Shanghai cuisine, which was influenced by Jiangsu cuisine and Zhejiang cuisine."
  • "western cultures" change to "Western culture"
  • "and even food and beverages" change to "and cuisine"
  • "western" capitalize
  • "In recent years" vague and problematic wording. Change to something like "in the early 21st century"
  • "most recently released city development plans" same thing as above. Specify the time to reduce ambiguity
  • "with aims in making" change to "which aim to make"
  • Try to change/cut down on puffery words in this paragraph: "importance", "best", "major", etc.
  • "Power Station of Art" add "The" before
  • "there is a variety of smaller" change to "there are numerous smaller"
  • "There are also many art galleries, concentrated in the M50 Art District and Tianzifang" change to "The city has many art galleries, many of which are located in the M50 Art District and Tianzifang"
  • This paragraph needs more citations, especially for the latter half.
  • "MoCA, Museum of Contemporary Art of Shanghai, is a private museum centrally located in People's Park on West Nanjing Road, and is committed to promote contemporary art and design." I would probably delete this sentence. MoCA does not have its own article, which leads me to believe that it does not meet Wikipedia's notability criteria. As such, it is probably not notable enough to include in this article. (Feel free to create an article if I am mistaken.)
  • "cooking style originated 400 years ago under profound influence of those of the surrounding provinces" change to "cooking style that originated in the 1600s, with influences from surrounding provinces"
  • Change to American spelling: "emphasises" and "flavours"
  • "and meanwhile" change to "while"
  • "raw ingredients materials" delete "materials"
  • "Another characteristic is the use of a great variety of seafood and freshwater food" change to something less redundant and more informative, such as: "Benbang cuisine often uses a variety of seafood, including freshwater fish, crabs, and lobsters" (and try to find a source for this)
  • "Haipai cuisine, on the other hand, is a Western-style cooking originated in Shanghai but absorbs elements from French, British, Russian, German, and Italian cuisine and adapts them to suit the local taste according to the features of local ingredients" too long. Split into two sentences: "Haipai cuisine, on the other hand, is a Western-influenced cooking style that originated in Shanghai. It absorbed elements from French, British, Russian, German, and Italian cuisines and adapted them to suit the local taste according to the features of local ingredients"
  • "during the Ming and the Qing Dynasty" change to "during the Ming and Qing Dynasties"
  • "The school was considered as a further development" awkward wording. Change to something like: "The school was considered an expansion"
  • "the painting" delete "the"
  • "western" capitalize
  • At least two missing serial commas
  • "settled in Shanghai thus it gradually became the art center of China" change to "settled in Shanghai, allowing it to gradually become the art center of China"
  • "photography" change to "including photography"
  • "Sanmao, one of the most well-known comics in China, was created then to dramatize the chaos brought to society by the Second Sino-Japanese War" this sentence is a bit confusing, as well as wordy. Was the comic well known at the time? Is it well known in the present day as a historical thing? Or have a lot of people today actually read it? Or a combination? Either clarify, or delete it entirely, i.e.: "Sanmao was created to dramatize the chaos created by the Second Sino-Japanese War"
  • "Chinese painting academy" is this a proper noun? Capitalize if so.
  • "the Guohua" change to "traditional Chinese painting"
  • "plays an important role in the contemporary art" again with the puffery. Change to something like: "displays contemporary art"
  • "has now become" delete "now"
  • "Traditional Xiqu" change to "Traditional Chinese opera (Xiqu)"
  • "the main way of entertainment" weird phrasing. Change to something like "a popular source of entertainment"
  • "appeared in Shanghai" delete "in Shanghai"
  • "The Great World opened in 1912 is a significant stage at the time" change to "The Great World opened in 1912 and was a significant stage at the time"
  • "In 1920s" add "the"
  • "With the abundant commercial radio stations, Pingtan art developed rapidly to 103 programs every day by the 1930s" confusing sentence; clarify
  • "At the same time, Shanghai also formed a Shanghai-style Beijing Opera led by Zhou Xinfang and Gai Jiaotian [zh], and attracted many Xiqu masters like Mei Lanfang to the city" change to "Around the same time, a Shanghai-style Beijing Opera was formed. Led by Zhou Xinfang and Gai Jiaotian [zh], it attracted many Xiqu masters, like Mei Lanfang, to the city"
  • "At the same time, a small troupe" delete "At the same time"
  • "is formed when the local folksongs collided with modern operas" change to "was formed when local folksongs were fused with modern operas"
  • "the well-known" change to "prominent"
  • Missing serial comma
  • "Back then" change to "At the time"
  • "earliest recorded" hyphenate
  • "had become" change to "became"
  • "Shanghai Conservatory of Music, Shanghai Dramatic Arts Centre, Shanghai Opera House and Shanghai Theatre Academy are four major institutes of theater training in Shanghai" change to "The city has several major institutes of theater training, including the Shanghai Conservatory of Music, the Shanghai Dramatic Arts Centre, the Shanghai Opera House, and the Shanghai Theatre Academy"
  • Another missing serial comma
  • "went on to blossom" change to "grew"
  • "great" delete
  • "native Shanghainese" change to "Shanghai native"
  • "The April session is a part of the Shanghai International Fashion Culture Festival, which usually lasts for a month, while Shanghai Fashion Week lasts for seven days, and the main venue is in Fuxing Park, Shanghai, while the opening and closing ceremony is in Shanghai Fashion Center" too long. Split into two or three sentences
  • "Supported by the People's Republic Ministry of Commerce, Shanghai Fashion Week is a major business and culture event of national significance hosted by the Shanghai Municipal Government" wordy; try to trim
  • "culture event" change to "cultural event"
  • "Shanghai Fashion Week is aiming to build up an international and professional platform, gathering all of the top design talents of Asia. The event features international designers but the primary purpose is to showcase Chinese designers" reads a little bit like an advertisement. Also try to trim (undue weight concerns, etc.)
Environment  Done
Parks and resorts  Done

Some additional follow-up comments:

  • "There is an extensive public park system in Shanghai which offers green space for locals. By 2018, the city had 300 parks and 281 among them were free to visit." shorten this to "Shanghai has an extensive public park system; by 2018, the city had 300 parks, of which 281 had free admission." (also update stat if possible)
  • "The per capita park area has reached 8.2 m2 (88 sq ft) square meters" first of all, "m2" and "square meters" are redundant. Also, it's unclear when this statistic was released and what the per-capita unit is (i.e. per person? Per 1000 people?). Change to something like "In 2019, Shanghai's per-capita park area was 8.2 m2 (88 sq ft) per person"
  • "today, it is known for its 150-year-old platanus, extensive sakura and peony gardens, and as an interchange hub in the metro system" this sentence reads a bit awkwardly. Change to something like "the park features sakura and peony gardens and a 150-year-old platanus, and it also serves as an interchange hub in the metro system"
  • "One of the newer parks" change to "One of Shanghai's newer parks"
  • "2009," delete comma
  • "in the first year of its operation" change to "in its first year of operation"
Environmental protection / Air pollution  Done
Media / International relations  Done
  • This quote is interesting, but I'm confused why it's the first and only sentence in the entire section. There should at least be one or two sentences talking broadly about media in Shanghai that go before this.
  • "Newspapers publishing in Shanghai" add an {{as of}} template before this. A simple year or year + month would be fine.
  • There's one redlink and several no-link entries. First try to find if any of them have corresponding articles on the Chinese Wikipedia, and link them using the template. Then, for consistency, just make everything else either redlinked or not linked.
  • "Broadcasters:" since there's only one item in this list, just change it to "The city's main broadcaster is Shanghai Media Group."
  • For this section, feel free to expand the first paragraph a little bit. There has to be more to Shanghai's international relations than the SCO and a list of twin cities.
  • "Shanghai is twinned with:" change to "Shanghai is twinned with the following cities:"
 Done - 祝好,Josephua(聊天) 00:38, 6 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'm going to assume every entry has a corresponding citation, but feel free to double-check if you have free time.
 Done, updated Akira CA (talk) 09:59, 8 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Is there a reason why all the city names are bolded? If not, I would remove all bold font in this section. (See MOS:BOLD)
 Done - 祝好,Josephua(聊天) 00:34, 6 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Citations

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  • Copyright violation status: seems mostly OK.
  • A lot of the citations need updating.
  • Some citations are dead, which is fine if they have archived versions, but ideally, they should be replaced with live citations.
  • {{cite web |url = http://www.zyen.com/PDF/LCGFC.pdf |title = The Competitive Position of London as a Global Financial Centre |access-date = 25 February 2011 |archive-url = https://web.archive.org/web/20131110224826/http://www.zyen.com/PDF/LCGFC.pdf |archive-date = 10 November 2013 |url-status=dead |df = dmy-all}} This source is dead, kind of old, and most importantly, does not reflect the statement it was citing. It says Shanghai is "likely" to become a global financial center.
  • Any citations that are PDFs, books, or otherwise long documents should have specific page numbers in the citations because this makes it easier for readers and other editors to verify claims. I.e. fill out the |page= or |pages= parameter
  • This source seems rather useful for expanding the economy section. We should talk about the Port of Shanghai somewhere in the Economy section.
    • Thanks for the source!  Done for mentioning the port. Akira CA (talk)

Discussion

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Nothing added for over five months

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Bobbychan193, Akira_CA, this review has not been added to for over five months, and has been open for over ten. That's far too long. I can understand that this is a difficult time, but there are other reviewers out there who could take over, since it's clear that Bobbychan193 simply cannot continue the review. It's past time to start this moving forward again. Thank you. BlueMoonset (talk) 14:44, 26 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I'm definitely open to someone else taking over the review. If I recall correctly, there's only one section left to review. Bobbychan193 (talk) 08:31, 27 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
What is that one section? I would want a chance to review that section. -iaspostb□x+ 12:18, 31 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Oh, I just thought it was "Sports" all along! Silly me who gets confused. -iaspostb□x+ 12:20, 31 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
There's a couple unsourced paragraphs in the Sports section, I'll try to find the necessary references. -iaspostb□x+ 12:21, 31 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I found all the references I needed for the section. -iaspostb□x+ 12:45, 31 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Now it's all there and done, so I am now passing this article. -iaspostb□x+ 12:48, 31 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@I'm Aya Syameimaru!: It was actually the entire Culture section. It's fine that you went ahead and passed it—the article was 95% of the way there anyway—but try to review/improve that section if you have time. Bobbychan193 (talk) 17:35, 31 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I'm very sorry, but a 25 minute review is simply not adequate under the circumstances, especially of such a large article. The new reviewer is responsible for the totality of the article as it is now—I can't believe that there was time to read the whole thing, much less consider the entire article against the GA criteria. (For example, the opening does not meet MOS:LEADLENGTH at five paragraphs, and MOS:LEAD is one part of the manual of style that is required in the GA criteria.) I have reverted the approval, and while I appreciate I'm Aya Syameimaru!|'s enthusiasm, under the circumstances, I wonder if a more experienced reviewer would be a better choice here given the length and complexity of the review. We need to get to 100% of the GA criteria, not a less than that. BlueMoonset (talk) 19:43, 31 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@BlueMoonset: Thanks for pointing out the lead. A few days ago I looked through all of the article's changes in the past several months to make sure there weren't any dramatic changes that would require a re-review, and that was the one thing I missed. Fixing now. Bobbychan193 (talk) 21:40, 31 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Actually, I'll resume the review now and hopefully wrap it up by today. Bobbychan193 (talk) 21:47, 31 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@BlueMoonset and Akira CA: I've finished the review. Please {{Ping}} me if I've missed any sections, or if anything else needs to be done. Thanks. Bobbychan193 (talk) 00:53, 1 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Bobbychan193: I've finished following the comments. Thank you so much for your efforts and patience throughout :D @BlueMoonset: If anything else needs to be done please let us know. -- Akira😼CA 03:32, 6 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Akira_CA, I don't know of anything else that needs to be done review-wise; right now it's up to Bobbychan193 to decide whether the article meets the GA criteria or if more work is needed on any of the points raised so far (or something new that needs doing catches the eye). BlueMoonset (talk) 04:19, 6 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@BlueMoonset and Akira CA: Thank you both for bearing with me. I'm happy to pass the article now; congratulations Akira, and great work. I hope to see the article nominated for FAC at some point in the future. Bobbychan193 (talk) 08:46, 7 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()
3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
  1. ^ "Per capita | Define Per capita at Dictionary.com". Dictionary.reference.com. Retrieved 4 Feb 2020.