Talk:Lara Croft/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Harrias ^talk 21:07, 6 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Just scanned through the article, and it certainly doesn't quick fail. Will go through bit by bit from here; pace will depend on how many issues I find, but on the whole it looks pretty good.

Lead

(second para) "The new developed rebooted the character.." I assume you mean to say "The new developer..."?
"Lara Croft has been voiced by four actresses throughout the series: Shelley Blond, Judith Gibbins, Jonell Elliott, and Keeley Hawes." – Would it be worth mentioning in this bit that she was portrayed by Angelina Jolie in the films? For some, this will be the prinicipal medium in which they have seen her.
"This status has been a point of contention among critics." – This seems oddly placed on the end of the paragraph. Could it be made to flow slightly more, or maybe given a tiny bit more depth, even in the lead?

Design

This section appears to relate entirely to her visual appearance, except that it says "English". I accept that she is depicted as being English, it just seemed odd given the rest of the paragraph is visual.

Right, I intended to get through more than that, but I've come over really tired, so I'll have to come back to it tomorrow. I would invite you to start responding to my comments as soon as you wish. Harrias ^talk 21:07, 6 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I copy edited the lead per your comments. I'll work on the "Design" section later. Do you suggest providing more information about the character's backstory? I've been on the fence whether that should be added or not. (Guyinblack25 ^talk 21:49, 6 July 2010 (UTC))[reply]

Yeah, I'd say more information on the back-story would be relevant. Not over the top, given it's an article about a character, not a biography. But I think it would definitely be worth adding something about it, assuming you can find RS for the information. I'm at work at the moment, so I'll continue the review later. Harrias ^talk 09:26, 7 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I recall some info here and there. I'll have to dig it up though. (Guyinblack25 ^talk 14:18, 7 July 2010 (UTC))[reply]

Appearances

"2003 saw the release of Tomb Raider: The Angel of Darkness," – per WP:ORDINAL, a year should not start a sentence, try rewording it? (I know you probably did it like this to offer some variety!)
At the start of the paragraph you use "travelling" while later on you use "traveling". I haven't had a chance to pay much attention to whether the rest of the article uses British or American spellings, but can you be consistent throughout?

Development history

"..character's set of moves three fold to allow more interaction.." – I *think* "three fold" should just be one word, "threefold".
"Excess content, missed production deadlines, and Eidos's desire to coincide release with the Tomb Raider film resulted in a poorly designed game, however; Lara Croft was brought back to life without explanation and the character controls lacked precision. – Not keen on this sentence, it doesn't flow right. Might be solved simply by removing the word 'however'?

Right, that's the end of my lunch-break. I'm just about to start the "Switch to Crystal Dynamics" section (note for my sake more than yours). Harrias ^talk 12:33, 7 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I believe I fixed the above issues. In regard to the British vs American spelling, I tried to maintain British English. Travelling with two "L"s was not a difference I was aware of. Someone else fixed the first instance, but the second one went unnoticed until now. (Guyinblack25 ^talk 14:18, 7 July 2010 (UTC))[reply]

Switch to Crystal Dynamics

As we're using British English: "Rachel Weisz was rumored to provide voice work for the character" should be "rumoured".
"Staff used the death to illustrate that shooting a person should be a difficult choice and Lara Croft's guilt afterward." – The second part of this sentence seems fragmented, "and Lara Croft feels guilt afterward."? or "portrayed by Lara Croft's guilt afterward."? Or something else?
"Spherical harmonics add indirect lighting to in-game objects like Lara Croft to make them appear more natural in the surroundings." – Again, sounds a bit weird, more like a review about something current, or yet to come out, certainly doesn't sound too encyclopedic. Similar for the next sentence too, possible try rewording this paragraph a bit?

Hopefully addressed the points.

I was concerned that the technical information in the article would be a snag at review because it was difficult to write. Present tense was used because those effects occur in real time. Any time you play the game, the gaming system will dynamically create the visual effects while you play. In that sense, the effects occur in the present. Typically in articles, I've seen graphics creation that are made as static elements referred to in past tense. Like a pre-rendered background is created by capturing a still image of 3D graphics, but that image loads while playing the game.

I always find it tricking when writing such things because the sentences frequently switch tense, which I understand can break the flow. I'm unsure if my edits to the article improved this though. Let me know. (Guyinblack25 ^talk 21:53, 7 July 2010 (UTC))[reply]

Promotion and merchandising

Link Minden, Nevada in the second paragraph, and Toy Biz in the third.
Modelled takes a double 'l' in British English. (third paragraph)
And although "licensed" is correct, "license" should be "licence". (noun takes c, verb s)

Model portrayal

British English uses "dialogue", not "dialog". (Also, earlier in the article, I've just noticed, "installment" should be changed to "instalment", and "skeptical" should be "sceptical".)
Might be worth putting SAS in brackets after Special Air Service, although the link will make it clear, for those not wanting to follow the link, SAS is more commonly known.

Cultural impact

"signaled -> "signalled" Might be worth having a double check through the article for these double consonant extensions, I'm sure I've missed some!
"The character is honoured in the British city Derby,.." – Might this read better as "British city of Derby,"

And another batch done; will hopefully finish it off tonight or tomorrow for you, finding it a really interesting article though, and it'll be an easy pass, just with a few more copy-edits first! Harrias ^talk 14:52, 8 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Most of the points have been addressed. I need to look up more about the backstory and I didn't add the "of" to Derby. I've avoided such wording in the past as I thought it was redundant. Let me know if you think otherwise. (Guyinblack25 ^talk 15:16, 8 July 2010 (UTC))[reply]

Yeah, I can understand your reasoning for the 'of'. I'm not that fussed either way, I just had to re-read it first time to make sense of it. With regards to the back-story; I'm happy that the article is up to Good article standards without it, and will happily pass it without you having done that (though you'd need it before a featured article review I'd say). But, if you'd rather I didn't pass it until you did it (to make sure you do it to standard,) I'm happy to wait. Harrias ^talk 15:30, 8 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Given your already helpful suggestions, I would certainly appreciate the input. I plan to check online sources today. Depending on how much I find in them, I'll need to check two print sources at home later. (Guyinblack25 ^talk 15:37, 8 July 2010 (UTC))[reply]

I think that's about all I can add without going into trivial details. But I typically try to err on the side of caution for these things, so it might still be too little. Let me know what you think. (Guyinblack25 ^talk 18:14, 8 July 2010 (UTC))[reply]

Right, I've been through the rest of the article, and the information added in for the back-story, and I'm happy with it all. I've made a fair few changes regarding US spellings. I'm now happy to pass this article, well done, it was an interesting read. Harrias ^talk 07:09, 13 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]