Talk:Hurricane Bonnie (1986)/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 19:07, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• First, make sure everything was addressed from the previous GA review. I realize large portions of the article were re-written, but some may still apply.

• Ok, I fixed everything from the previous review, I think.--12george1 (talk) 19:55, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• "was upgraded to a Category 1 hurricane" - here might be a good time to mention SSHS (maybe by note?). If you don't feel like it, just say "to a hurricane"

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 19:45, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• You should mention somewhere that winds are in 1-min sustained. Maybe by note?

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 19:45, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• "Following landfall, Bonnie quickly weakened below tropical storm status. On June 28, the remnants of Bonnie dissipated over Missouri." - merge these

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 19:45, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• "Prior to moving ashore, 22,000 people" - the people moved ashore? You're missing a word there :P (see Dangling modifier). Also, do you need the "were" in that sentence?

• So I guess 22,000 people stayed on oil rigs since they didn't move ashore? :P --12george1 (talk) 19:45, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• "The origins of Hurricane Bonnie can be traced back to a mid-level center of circulation that formed in association with a quasi-stationary cold front that stretched across northern Florida and the extreme northeast Gulf of Mexico in mid-June 1986." - that is really long. I'm not saying split, I'm just saying re-write (and maybe cut the first ten words or so)

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 19:45, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• " with the stationary frontal boundary" - you just said in the previous sentence it was quasi-stationary. Since there is minimal difference, I'd just say "with the front"

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 19:45, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• "an absence of deep shower and thunderstorm activity was observed on satellite imagery" - some redundancies there, and it could be reworded ("there was little convection on satellite imagery"?)

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 19:45, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• "well-defined circulation had become well-defined " :/

• Cut it to simply "circulation"--12george1 (talk) 19:45, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• "to classify the disturbance as a tropical depression" - who classified it here?

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 19:45, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• Now the NHC link is out of order. Please fix. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 21:19, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 03:39, 26 August 2013 (UTC)

• "Over the course of the next 24 hours after becoming a tropical storm on June 24" --> "In the 24 hours after becoming a tropical storm"

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 19:45, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• "The depression began to dissipate six hours later" - what does this mean?

• Not sure. I removed it.--12george1 (talk) 19:45, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• You should mentioned how Bonnie dissipated (it's in the prelim report).

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 19:45, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• "Upon being declared as a tropical depression. a high risk of landfall" - see dangling modifier

• Better?--12george1 (talk) 19:45, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• "Thunderstorms covered a huge portion of east Texas and western Louisiana, causing 10 to 13 in (250 to 330 mm) of rain" - weird writing. Find a better word than "huge". The sentence is poorly formatted. And any reason you don't include the peak here? You do in the lede.

• I just decided to get rid of the part about thunderstorms and I added the peak rainfall total.--12george1 (talk) 19:45, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• "Bridge City reported 7.5 in (190 mm) of rainfall and several places northwest of Beaumont reported rainfall of over 5 in (130 mm). " - significance?

• Guess it's not necessary because it isn't the peak rainfall total.--12george1 (talk) 19:45, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• "Highway 59 between Livingston and Shepherd was covered with water and had to be closed. Interstate 20 in Harrison County, Texas was closed after streams and bayou overflowed onto the highway. Inundation also forced the closure of several farm-to-market roads. Low-lying areas in Panola County flooded, including U.S. Route 79." - all of these sentences could be merged. I'll let you figure out how.

• Better?--12george1 (talk) 19:45, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• In general, the Texas section has very poor flow.

• Can I get some examples?--12george1 (talk) 19:45, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• "Bear Foot Lake overflowed, damaging some homes. Due to threat of the dam bursting, 200 families were evacuated." could be merged (and could use some clarification that Bear Foot Lake is a dam). You say $5 million is extensive damage, but earlier you said damage was light. Two sentences mention damage to windows.

• Fixed most of that, but I'm not sure what to do about those sentences mentioning windows.--12george1 (talk) 03:39, 26 August 2013 (UTC)

• "Hank Creek Marina, located across the lake, broke free from its moorings and floated into the lake. Parts of the Marina were submerged." - merge, and clarify. The entire marina broke free from the moorings? How is that possible.

• Merged the sentences. I don't know how much of the marina broke free. The source of this information does not clarify.--12george1 (talk) 21:57, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• Any number of power outages? The article is heavy on NCDC but light on other sources.

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 03:39, 26 August 2013 (UTC)

• "The other tornado destroyed three mobile homes and severely damaged an additional two as well as three permanent homes. Damage from this tornado totaled $200,000. " - merge and simplify writing

• I'm not sure how to fix this without saying "damage"/"damaged" twice or "losses".--12george1 (talk) 03:39, 26 August 2013 (UTC)

• "Torrential rains caused some areas to be flooded to up to 10 ft (3.0 m) deep in parts of Shreveport " - poor writing, please rewrite

• Better?--12george1 (talk) 21:57, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• You mention I-20 being closed twice in Louisiana.

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 21:57, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• You mention the Shreveport flooding, and then a paragraph later mention it again.

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 21:57, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• "Rescuers also had to lash themselves together" - doesn't seem like the right wording here.

• The source uses the term "lash".--12george1 (talk) 21:57, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• Doesn't make sense though. That's my last concern for the article. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 04:36, 26 August 2013 (UTC)

• I changed it to "bind". Is that better? --12george1 (talk)

• "Along the shore of Cross Lake, about 80 homes were damaged by water intrusion. About 381 homes and 20 businesses in the area were damaged by flooding." - is the latter sentence related? I'm not sure as to what "area" you're talking about.

• Shreveport--12george1 (talk) 21:57, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• Rainfall reached 11.75 inches in Arkansas, more than the "up to 10 inches" you have in the article.

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 21:57, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• "Three or four families" - which one? Also, the subsequent sentence could be merged in.

• Merged the sentences. However, the source says "Three or four" so I cannot fix this.--12george1 (talk) 21:57, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• That's it now. Generally decent article. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 21:19, 25 August 2013 (UTC)