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Talk:First American International Road Race

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GA Review

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Reviewing
This review is transcluded from Talk:First American International Road Race/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 13:17, 14 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Good to see something from auto racing's early days at GAN. Will review. MWright96 (talk) 13:17, 14 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hey thanks! Surprised to see this taken up so soon. I might still find bits and pieces to add too. This is my first racing article I've written, I mostly write Westchester/NYC history and architecture... ɱ (talk) 15:23, 14 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Lead

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  • "spanning from 4:45 a.m. to 12:20 p.m." - The figure of 4:45 a.m. is not included in the main portion of the article
Added. ɱ (talk) 19:53, 14 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Background

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  • "One thousand soldiers from the state's 12th and 20th regiments of the National Guard were deployed at important points along the course, along with hundreds of policemen." - it would help to know what the National Guardsmen and police officers roles were in this race
Crowd control, added. ɱ (talk) 19:53, 14 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Marshalls were hired to flash red flags" - I'm not sure that "flash" is the correct term here.
This is the verb the source used, it can mean to move very quickly. Is there a better verb for waving a flag as a signal? ɱ (talk) 19:53, 14 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Using "wave" then to show the action, not really evident otherwise. ɱ (talk) 14:26, 15 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Done ɱ (talk) 19:53, 14 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "yellow flags for drivers to slow down on dangerous turns." - to caution drivers to reduce their speed
Done ɱ (talk) 19:53, 14 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Course

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  • "Original plans scheduled ten laps around the course," - better; scheduled that ten laps of the course be completed,
Done. ɱ (talk) 20:01, 14 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "for a total of 324 miles." - the convert template should be used on the text marked in bold
Done. ɱ (talk) 20:01, 14 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The stretch between Valhalla and Eastview was considered the worst" - considered by whom? drivers? It would be helpful to know to avoid people guessing
The article that mentioned it didn't specify, though I'm trying to find the material elsewhere to see... ɱ (talk) 14:27, 15 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the drivers speculated that 40 mph could be a high average speed, but 45 mph could be the winning speed" - the convert template will have to be employed on the two sections of text highlighted in bold
Done. ɱ (talk) 20:01, 14 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "estimated that cars could reach 70 mph" - same query as the second and fourth points in this section
Done. ɱ (talk) 20:01, 14 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The drivers speculated that six cars might finish the entire circuit, with the other cars" - close repetition of "cars"
Done. ɱ (talk) 20:01, 14 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Entrants

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  • Wikilink the terms stock cars, shaft driven and chain driven to their respective pages
Done. ɱ (talk) 14:38, 15 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • the most prominent female racing driver of the time," - how about clarify she was the United States' most prominent female racer at the time as stated in MetroSports Magazine
Done. ɱ (talk) 14:38, 15 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The race's committee questioned whether a woman could handle a race," - The MetroSports Magazine states specially that they questioned whether a women could control a auto vehicle during a race. This would be beneficial to include in the article
Done. ɱ (talk) 14:38, 15 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • The columns in the table would benefit from having the "scope="col" tag inserted to comply with MOS:DTT
Can you specify where/how you think this should be added? I'm not familiar with the purpose or placement of this... ɱ (talk) 19:56, 14 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Like this for example: MWright96 (talk) 10:18, 15 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
{| class="wikitable sortable" style="font-size: 95%;"
! scope="col" | {{abbr|No.|Car number}}
! scope="col" | Make 
! scope="col" | Entrant 
! scope="col" | Manufacture
! scope="col" | Driver 
! scope="col" | {{abbr|hp|horsepower}} 
! scope="col" | [[Wheelbase]] 
! scope="col" | Position/condition at finish 
! scope="col" | {{abbr|Time|Time in hours, minutes and seconds}} 
! scope="col" | Notes
|}
Done. ɱ (talk) 14:38, 15 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Timeline of the race

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  • "Local speed limits were suspended during early morning hours" - the MetroSports Magazine state that the local municipalities suspended the local speed limits and would be beneficial to include in this sentence
Done ɱ (talk) 14:40, 15 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The car went into a stream and Campbell catapulted out of the car into rocks," - into some rocks,
Done ɱ (talk) 14:40, 15 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "fracturing his jaw and knocking teeth loose." - This should be reworded so it can pass WP:LIMITED because it is too similar in wording to the North Castle History source
Done ɱ (talk) 14:40, 15 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Day of the race

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  • "while advertisements for items like" - better; such as
Done ɱ (talk) 14:45, 15 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and the judges decided nothing more could be gained by continuing the race" - bit of close repetition of the source. Reword it so it can pass MOS:LIMITED
Done. Wish there was more clarity into their thinking. ɱ (talk) 14:45, 15 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Cedrino achieved the fastest two rounds in the race:" - to avoid close reptition I would suggest this portion be worded as Cedrino recorded the event's two fastest laps:
I'm not a fan of the term "recorded", which is less clear, he didn't actively record anything. ɱ (talk) 14:45, 15 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "37:16 in his seventh lap and 36:48 in his eighth." - should be 37 minutes and 16 seconds and 36 minutes and 48 seconds to help non-racing readers
Done ɱ (talk) 19:57, 14 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Winner and trophy

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  • "Strang took the lead on the first lap and never let go, thus winning the race and trophy." - better; and maintained for its duration to win the race and the trophy.
That gets pretty wordy, if added as In the race, Strang took the lead on the first lap and and maintained the lead for the race's duration to win the race and the trophy... ɱ (talk) 15:09, 15 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Aftermath and impact

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  • Perhaps state where exactly Cedrino's fatal accident occurred?
Done ɱ (talk) 15:16, 15 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In 1977, during Briarcliff Manor's 75th anniversary, fifteen old racing cars" - change the text in bold so it reads as 15 for consistency
Done ɱ (talk) 15:16, 15 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

References

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  • References 2, 3 and 13 should include the page numbers their respective contents are featured on
13 is a source I no longer have access too, but I think if the page number had been included in the clipping, I would have included it in the ref. Refs 2 and 3 are searchable online documents, so it ends up unnecessary, it's really only useful for books imo. ɱ (talk) 15:11, 15 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Overall the primary issues concerns some of the grammar in the prose and there are portions of information that should be inserted to provide additional context to the race. Other issues involve the inconsistency of the use of the [convert: needs a number] template and some missing parameters in some of the references. Will put on hold. MWright96 (talk) 18:06, 14 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@MWright96: all issues addressed, what do you think? ɱ (talk) 16:26, 17 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Ɱ: Don't necessarily agree with the lack of numbers in docuement that can be accessed online because I feel it can make it easier those who are searching for the content stated in the article. Nevertheless, the work is good enough for the article to be promoted to GA class. MWright96 (talk) 17:27, 17 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks! ɱ (talk) 18:04, 17 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

White space in "Entrants" section

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Is there a way to get rid of the white space in the "Entrants" section, perhaps by displaying the images in a different way? ---Another Believer (Talk) 19:40, 24 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hm, screen size is again an issue here. I wrote this on a desktop, so there was extra space to the right of the table, which I partially filled with those images. On this laptop however, it adds some white space above the table. My only thought is perhaps to remove one of the images to significantly reduce the amount of white space? ɱ (talk) 20:06, 24 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
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