Talk:Auburn Tigers swimming and diving
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Requested Input From Other Users
[edit]You asked for some guidance on improving your, already very nice, article.
Try reading the article as though you were not an American, not from Auburn and know nothing about swimming and diving. This will allow you to see that somethings you have written are not immediately clear in an encyclopedic style to a wider audience. For example, the sentence: "The former Auburn record holder for Olympic medals in a career or single Olympiad is Auburn Alum and NBC Olympic swimming commentator Rowdy Gaines." makes no sense on first reading. "Auburn Alum" reads as though it is a person's name, and I had to read this three times before I understood that it meant Auburn University alumnus.
The First NCAA Champion, in the lead also needs explaining, and wikifying. Non-american non-swimmers will not know what NCAA means and your task as an encyclopedian is to tell them.
Can I also suggest you look at not just the truth of what you say, but the style in which you say it. For example, consider revising: "The first individual NCAA Champion in program history was Scott Spann in 1978," to read instead: "Auburn Tigers first national champion was Scott Spann, who won the 200m Individual Medley in 1978."
Then ask yourself such subtle questions as, "What is a total swimmer?" as in your sentence, "...Auburn sent 16 total swimmers to Beijing." If you mean they sent sixteen swimmers, then say that, clearly.
When you say, "...Kirsty Coventry who won her seventh career medal during the games..." do you really mean that in her whole career she has only won seven swimming medals, or do you mean she has won seven Olympic medals? Consider re-writing this as: " Kirsty Coventry who won her seventh Olympic medal during the games..."
Let's do a re-write of your final paragraph of the lead.
Auburn has regularly been represented on the American Olympic Team, with a University record sixteen swimmers at the 2008 Beijing Olympics where five Auburn Tigers won a record thirteen medals. At the same Olympics, Kirsty Coventry won her seventh Olympic medal to replace Auburn alumnus and NBC swimming commentator Rowdy Gaines at the top of the Auburn rosta of Olympic medallists. The only Auburn swimmer to have won Olympic Gold is Cesar Cielo Filho who won the 50m freestyle event at the [insert year or venue or both] Olympics.
Do you see how this style says much more to the non-American and non-swimming reader who is not versed in the American sensationalist style of sports reporting? Cottonshirt (talk) 09:23, 28 January 2009 (UTC)
- Thanks, I did some work on the lead. AUburnTiger (talk) 20:16, 8 February 2009 (UTC)
- Hi AUburnTiger, it has been almost 15 years since you requested your quality assessment, so I know it's a bit late. However here we go:
- The article is well cited with many reliable sources and is relatively detailed. Furthermore, I have never heard of the Auburn Tigers, yet I was able to understand all of the article.
- However, since this article hasn't been updated since 2021, and since it only includes a section on the 2008 Olympic games and no other Olympic games since or before, I will rate this article a "C". It is a wonderful world (talk) 20:28, 21 December 2023 (UTC)