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Talk:2010 Sylvania 300/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman Operation Big Bear 05:21, 22 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this article shortly. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 05:21, 22 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Here are the issues I found:

  • "it was the twenty-seventh, and the first race" I'd add in race in after 27th as well; a bit repetitive but sounds better imo.
  • "Some of the Chase for the Sprint Cup participants, such as, Jimmie Johnson, Kurt Busch, and Denny Hamlin was in the top-ten for most of the race" remove comma after as, also '..hamlin were in the top ten'
  • "top-five" dash not needed
  • "Tony Stewart was leading the race, when he ran out of fuel; giving the lead to Clint Bowyer." no comma after race, comma instead after fuel.
  • "Some competitors who are in the 2010 Chase for the Sprint Cup, are happy about their chances of winning the championship" no comma needed, were instead of are, and 'happy' sounds a bit iffy in this context; try 'optimistic'.
  • "Three practice sessions was held" were held
  • "while the second session will last 50 minutes. The third and final session will last 60 minutes." lasted 50/lasted 60. there should be no present or future tense anywhere in the article.
  • What makes Jayski.com a reliable source?
  • "but only forty-three was able" were. Check all was/were mentions in the article to make sure they're right. There's enough issues that I might've missed one or two.
  • "such as," again, comma not needed.
  • The entire race is sourced to one site. This isn't a deal-breaker, but would you know of any news sources etc. that had worthy information to include that was not in the recap?
  • The sentences start to get repetitive about halfway through, with most of them becoming "On lap xx, y. On lap xx..." Modify a few of them to make reading easier.
  • It seems like you pretty much took whatever was in that recap and re-added it into the article. There's probably a few things you could trim that aren't that important to have in the article. If everything listed should be included though then I won't worry about it, you'd know better than I. It just starts feeling longer than it actually is after a while.
  • "After pit stops, Bobby Labonte and Casey Mears was unable to continue the race." as above
  • "Two weeks ago, going into Richmond, your feeling the confidence level in our race team, in our equipment level, everything was good" this part of the quote is not in the source.
  • "two race teams were given penalties, including" I'd use a colon instead of a comma and remove including, since you mention all applicable racers.

I'll put the article on hold for a week. After the issues are fixed, I'm gonna read through the article again and see if I catch anything else. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 17:31, 23 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Fixes look good, so I'll do another read-through soon. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 03:24, 24 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comment: as in reference 21, I'd recommend adding the authors to all news articles, if there is one listed (most should have one). Airplaneman ✈ 04:29, 24 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

All of them have it. Nascar1996 04:36, 24 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

After a second review, here are the rest of my concerns:

  • "The race was won by Clint Bowyer, for the" Bowyer of the.
  • In paragraph 2 of background, you probably don't been all the "points" words; you could just say 5,030 instead of 5,030 points in a spot or two.
  • "Denny Hamlin also made comments about the Chase. He said, " the two sentences can be combined; chase, saying, "
  • "but only forty-three were able" able to what? I presume to race, but the way it's worded makes it ambiguous.
  • "Bowyer had moved into the third position, after" no comma needed
  • "After nineteen laps, Jimmie Johnson had moved eight positions to seventeenth, as Kevin Harvick had moved seven positions into twentieth." moved up or down?
  • "Dale Earnhardt, Jr. moved into seventh, after passing David Reutimann and Tony Stewart" no comma needed
  • "Jeff Burton moved to sixth, as Jeff Gordon passed Dale Earnhardt, Jr. for eleventh" same
  • There's a few more comma issues identical to those above; won't list each single one but they're there.

Once these are fixed I'll pass the article. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 03:33, 27 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

 Done Nascar1996 03:52, 27 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The article finally satisfies my concerns, so I'll pass it as a GA. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 05:45, 27 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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