Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Leonard G. Shepard
Request a review of this article. When I started, there was very little information in this stub. After reviewing a couple of sources I added as much information as I could find on Shepard. I know I lack any very early background history on his personal life, but I'm not sure its important to the military aspects of the article.
Am I on the right track? Looking on suggestions on how to continue. Not much on subject. I am attempting to fill in on early Commandants of the Coast Guard. Most are just bare stubs. Cuprum17 (talk) 01:02, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
Ian Rose
[edit]Looks pretty good so far. Your basic layout/structure is sound, and the citations/sourcing are not too bad. It would be good to have more of his later life but sometimes this info is hard to come by, as you've gathered. Most of the issues I see are to do with Manual of Style:
Headings should be in sentence case, e.g. Early years, not Early Years.
Dates should follow a consistent format. Since it's an American subject, the appropriate format is (for example) June 4, 1881. Also, dates should not be linked, and a date range should use endashes. Finally, life dates don't need 'born' and 'died'. Thus the dates in the opening should be (November 10, 1846 – March 1, 1895), not (born 10 November, 1846, died 1 March, 1895).
Even though the city is linked in Dorchester, MA, the state should spelled out (which also avoids a redirect in this case).
Ship names should be in the format USRC Guthrie, for example. That is, the actual name is italicised.
Some of the grammar doesn't make sense, e.g. "...Shepard was named the to the first appointing of the position of Chief..."
Generally avoid constructions like "didn't", use "did not" instead.
Take care to avoid editorialising and peacock terms. The "just" in "Shepard died of pneumonia on 14 March, just twelve days later" is a very mild case but you don't need it there; report the fact and let the reader work out that it's not long after.
There are places we could be less verbose, e.g. "With his death he left a wife and three children." could be rendered simply as "He left a wife and three children."
Done, Cuprum17 (talk) 20:19, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
Take care to cite significant assertions, to maintain at B-Class. For instance the last bit of the final paragraph, his legacy, needs a citation.
Done, Cuprum17 (talk) 20:19, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
- Hope this makes a more readable article, and thank you Ian Rose for your kind help. Cuprum17 (talk) 20:19, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
Hope this helps. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 15:11, 11 February 2009 (UTC)