Wikipedia:Peer review/Troy McClure/archive1

Troy McClure

I've pretty much re-written this article from scratch, in an out of universe perspective over the past week and have now gone as far as I can. I hope to get this to GA one day, but that won't be for a while. So I would like any comments at all on the page, other sources people have found and any prose improvements needed. Gran² 18:27, 13 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Well it is a GA now, so this is now a peer-review for hoping to get this to FA. Gran² 18:49, 17 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Review by SpecialWindler

I can understand that articles like these may have a hard time to find sources for information, but it may need a little expanding. However it is a very well written article. Here a some pointers

A short pargraph in "Cultural influence and legacy", consider merging or expanding.
You also have a long paragraph in "Cultural influence and legacy", consider spliting
Rather than replace Hartman with a new voice actor, McClure was retired from the show.[10] Who retired him? Producers, Mat Groening, (If its unknown, ignore, but its interesting to know)
Hartman was cast before his death as Zapp Brannigan in Matt Groening's Futurama. Billy West took over the role, and based his vocal performance on Hartman's characterizations, particularly McClure.[16] You have a picture below, consider moving up.
You use James L. Brooks in the "Development" section, although it's wikilinked could you state what he was eg. director James L. Brooks or writer James L. Brooks...
Phil Hartman was cast in the role due to his ability to pull "the maximum amount of humour" out of any line he was given. could you expand to perhaps discuss Hartman's opinion on the role (I know hes dead, but is there anything)
Could you mention (in the "Role in The Simpsons" section) that he presented "spin-off shows" rather than main Simpsons episodes. A regular Simpsons watcher, will not know what "presenting" a Simpsons episode means. (for those who haven't watched them)
- Although it's mentioned in the sentence after, it still can be confusing. (well, thats the way I read it)
I don't have a problem with it but much of the "Role in The Simpsons" probably actually belongs in the "Character" section, like statements below
- McClure drives a De Lorean DMC-12 and lives in an "ultramodern" house that was based on the Chemosphere from the film Body Double.
- "Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such [films, educational videos, voiceovers, etc.] as..."
You could perhaps have the above quote in a quote template (just a suggestion), as it is very important aspect of this character.
You may be unable to change the template in the right upper corner, but seeing this is a former character, you might want to add a Last appearence to it.
In the lead. You have one long paragraph and one short.
- Consider having one paragraph about the character's performance in the Simpsons which is stuff about "First appearence, last, how he retired"
- The second paragraph on the character himself. Eg "Traits (that quote), Notable appearences (eg. marrying selma)

Hope you use this information well, noting that I used Consider. SpecialWindler talk 07:36, 20 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review, I'll look into the stuff you have raised, when I have more time. Gran² 15:45, 20 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]