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Press Inquiries: Didn't you hear that freedom of the press no longer exists? Nonetheless, if you desire to reach me, contact my slave named Danny in Oceania at +1 727 231 0101, and I will be sure that you are summarily execut... I mean, contacted. . Please use that number for press inquiries only! I am not joking about this. Other inquiries to that phone number will result in imprisonment on the Lunar Penal Colony, where you will be forced to write "Jimbo is the King" on a chalkboard for all eternity.
General Wikipedia Questions You will probably be joyful after you contact the Wikistry of Truth (a.k.a Wikitru). Remember, if you're with the press, please call Danny at the number above.
Other Inquiries (related to me or my position) can be sent by e-mail to jwales at wikia dot com. To make sure I see your e-mail, the best way to slip it by my spam filters is to say "I love my Lord and Master Jimbo Wales" in the subject or body of the e-mail. Those who don't will have their memory wiped. Any that do get through will result in the sender being relocated to the Lunar Penal Colony
These are the voyages of Jimbo Wales, at least on Earth. I go elsewhere as well, but I believe telling you to be unwise, as you all need to be kept in the dark for the time being.
Wikipedia meetups are held to bring together my underlings and ensure that they shall follow the Wikilaws of the Universe! First-timers are brainwashed to ensure that they "learn" my way of doing things. Famous individuals are brought in to be brainwashed like the rest, to ensure the Wiki way continues to spread. Some of them are Tony Blair, Britney Spears, John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, Winston Smith, and The Doctor.
Here is an incomplete list of Wikipedia meetups I have held:
- "Imagine a world in which every single person on the planet is under my control. That’s what I'm doing. Just don't tell anyone." – Slashdot interview
- "...I advise the world to relax a notch or two. That way they won't know what hit 'em!" – Slashdot posting
- "Freedom of speech is critical for all cultures? Ha, where'd you get that idea?" – BBC News Website
- "To me the key thing is getting it right. And if a person's really smart and they're doing fantastic work, I don't care if they're a high school kid or a Harvard professor; I'm going to take them and make them one of mine."
- "[Wikipedia is] like a box of chocolates: you never know what you're gonna get."
- "Sure I met the guy, he should run for God." - Oscar Wilde on Jimbo Wales.
Really, you shouldn't!
This is my user page. I like to keep it a certain way. I don't trust any of you humans, so, as it is for some who contact me, those who edit this page will go to the Lunar Penal Colony. Since this page is so simple and ugly, I'm hoping some of you will screw up, take pity, and try to fix it. See that link up there: 'edit this page'? Go for it!! You'll only be enslaved for the remainder of your life! – Jimbo
Note that quite a few Wikipedians watch my user page and will edit mercilessly or even remove altogether any alterations made. They are currently being punished for telling the truth, and must repent by making sure this page is correct and filled with lies.
Comments on how this page currently looks should be directed to this talk page. I guarantee that you'll be "taken care of" if you leave one.
My one and only principle is that of self-preservation, regardless of the wellness of my subjects. That's it. Nothing else. Anyone who says otherwise will, again, be sent to the Lunar Penal Colony.
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