User talk:Hdelossantos
Hello hdelossantos,
I ended up making substantial changes to your group's article. Most of my work involved adding links to articles, cutting up run-on sentences and rephrasing things so they made sense to the reader who had little to no idea how the internet works. These were things I didn't document, but was sure the article needed. Most of the paragraphs did not follow MEAL, especially in the last two sections, so you will have to reorganize them. Otherwise, here is a paragraph-by-paragraph list of what I did and the changes I recommend you make.
Paragraph 1 "Introduction": You made it sound like DDR is an alternative to WAN; it is actually a technique that makes WAN use efficient. I rephrased the text to make this point.
Paragraph 2 "How it works": I took out router because it is the computers that are really the end points of the connection. I think you should explain the difference between a network and the internet.
Paragraph 3 "How it works": I gave this its own title since this is more how to design an efficient DDR, not "How DDR works". I took out “A site configured to use DDR can both place and receive calls from other sites” since it didn’t add anything to the point of the paragraph. Same thing with “Different speeds can be obtained depending on how many data channels the user is willing to pay for”. Also, you should reorganize this paragraph to follow MEAL.
Paragraph 1 "Why DDR is still used today": I added a transition to the first paragraph. I also moved the first paragraph to the section "How it works" since it didn't seem to fit.
"Defining Connection Access": First off, this huge block of text needed to be split up. None of these new paragraphs use MEAL, so you will have to reorganize them. Next, you need a transition from the last section. How does this fit into DDR in general? This section really is more about how DDR works, so perhaps it should come before the section “why DDR is still used today”
Paragraph 1: What is Connection Access? It’s never defined! I removed "or interesting traffic", because it was never explained and is therefore detracts from the point of the sentence.
Paragraph 2: You need to explain what the criteria are
Paragraph 3: what is interesting traffic? It’s never defined.
Paragraph 5: This example makes no sense. I have no idea what it has to do with DDR. Reworded example to make it easier to understand. In the future, an image might be helpful.
Paragraph 6: What are SSH packets? Added link to Secure Shell article
"Dialer Maps and Rotary Groups": These paragraphs need more context. What do they have to do with DDR? I have to say that I was extremely confused by this section
Paragraph 1: What are Dialer Maps? What is a serial port? Module? Interface? HOP address? Wait-for-carrier timer? Again, you're assuming the reader knows too much.
Paragraph 2: You talk about the first step to establishing a DDR interface. What is this? What are the next steps? What's a dialer rotary group?
This still needs quite a bit of work. Feel free to contact me with any questions you might have.
Sincerely, John
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