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GA Review

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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.


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Reviewer: DannyMusicEditor (talk · contribs) 21:35, 7 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]


Dibs on the review. However, I probably won't get to this for a few days. Pleas bear with me, I've got homework and cross country practice to deal with.

@Yeepsi: Jeez, dude, I'm sorry I've been keeping you waiting on this. Unfortunately, I'm having a lot of homework in trigonometry right now and I think I probably won't be able to do any heavy lifting on this review until at least Friday. I might be able to put a little in during my study period, but I doubt it. I do know for a fact that checklinks confirmed one "Suspicious" link which gave a 403. Not a 404, but a 403, which makes it think it's dead. dannymusiceditor Speak up! 22:57, 13 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

No rush dude, take all the time you need. Yeepsi (talk) 23:18, 13 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

It's September 23 and I am shamefully overdue on this review! Here we go!  Working

Lead

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  • Bassist Drew Thomson left the band after the release of Sunshine State of Mind (2011) and was replaced by Charles Trippy. How about "It is the first album without bassist Drew Thomsen, who was replaced by Charles Trippy."? I mean, I feel like this one is literally regurgitated from the article's body. We want it to look similar but a little different later on.
  • Keyboardist Coley O'Toole was also brought added into the lineup.
  • Link "Just Keep Breathing"
  • In late September, the band started a campaign to crowd-fund their next album. Change the period to a semicolon, and the following parts sound better as "it eventually generated..."
  • What was the role of Shebby, Healy, and Immerman? They look like producers. Indicate this.
  • A record company being named after the band itself generally means it has a self-release. Like ADTR's (though that needs changed too). So the only one that really needs mentioned as most relevant would be the Ozone Entertainment one. But if you disagree with me, please, by all means go ahead and say so.
  • Somewhere Somehow charted peaked at number 44 on the Billboard 200...
  • I find that chart positions outside the band's home country aren't particularly relevant enough for the lead unless they're particularly high, and 88 in the UK certainly isn't. You could keep that it got in the top 20 of several of its others, though.
  • See you in an hour or three when I'll continue working on this! Good luck! dannymusiceditor Speak up! 21:28, 23 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
 Done all above. Yeepsi (talk) 21:37, 23 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Background

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  • Is it Thomsen or Thomson? Both are used in this article.
  • Link "Bradenton" to Bradenton, Florida
  • ...with their previous record label S-Curve in 2013.
  • Link the first instance of "Just Keep Breathing"
  • Next paragraph: You only need one cite for that sentence (the end one).
  • After having a talk with their manager... A talk about what? Is it relevant and/or known? If the answer is "no" to either of these, remove that part. If it's just that they were consulting him for a lead single, use that wording instead.
  • Only the last ref tag was necessary in that sentence.
  • Considered a success, the song would go on to sell over 149,000 copies in one month. A success according to whom? The source? Say so, then.
  • Again, next sentence needs only the second tag. I see it with the next single too, so do that as well.
  • The release dates in the prose and in the infobox for "Find You There" are inconsistent.
 Done all above. Yeepsi (talk) 21:54, 7 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Composition

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  • Why is the Hunger Games soundtrack written with a year embedded in it?
  • I feel like the first two sentences belong in other sections of the article - probably production, actually.
  • Wouldn't hurt to note that the album was described as pop by professional reviewers.
 Done all above. Yeepsi (talk) 21:57, 7 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Got a little more done... dannymusiceditor Speak up! 21:05, 7 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Production

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Okay, this is getting ugly. Not the article, just my incredibly poor timing on updating this. I'm probably gonna wait until next break (i.e. winter) to do another review. Anyway, carrying on.

  • Can't you just use that 12 perks ref to replace the one currently ending the sentence? Less clutter is better.
  • Initially, the group thought that this figure was an error but, after being contacted, IndieGoGo confirmed the amount was correct. Move the comma from "but" to "error". Better yet, remove "but" entirely and put a period there and begin a new sentence "after being contacted..."
  • Indicate that Elena Coats is a singer-songwriter (according to her website). You don't need to cite the fact she's a singer-songwriter, just thought I'd offer proof.
 Done all above. Yeepsi (talk) 17:09, 25 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Release

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  • A couple of days later... Too informal.
  • The band explained that Clark's wife Jenny "surprised him with a music video for a song that he wrote about her." Wait, what happened? I'd like to get more details on this, if possible.
  • Several of the songs were re-recorded acoustically for inclusion on Stripped in November. Two things. 1) Stripped was released or recorded in November? The sentence is vague. 2) It'd be nice if I could get a number value instead of "several".
 Done all above. Yeepsi (talk) 17:09, 25 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]
A second glance - The second point didn't have me satisfied here, but then I looked at the source and went "Seriously? That's all they wrote?" Why Jenny is surprising Travis here seems bizarre in this context to me (or maybe I need a clue level adjustment). I believe it is an unclarity on the band's part and thus maybe shouldn't be included here. If you can remove this or respond so it is clearer, I will  Pass the article. dannymusiceditor Speak up! 19:09, 25 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]
 Done I tried to reword the text, but ended up just removing it. Yeepsi (talk) 19:29, 25 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Reception and Legacy

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  • Why is there no review box? I'd like to see one. Fairly easy to set up, just take the one from when we worked on A Lesson in Romantics together.
Completely forgot to add one, oops. Yeepsi (talk) 17:09, 25 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • The last part from SoSoActive is unnecessary. Just cut it out. Even the second one isn't really necessary. But at least cut the third one, I understand if you're trying to make enough content.

Well, strangely enough, I found little to no issues in these last few sections! Excellent! I'll make sure no links have expired since I began in September (ugh...). dannymusiceditor Speak up! 22:51, 24 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

  • Note: Links are all good.
 Done all above. Yeepsi (talk) 17:09, 25 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]