Talk:Len Ganley/GA1

GA Review

Passed. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 20:31, 17 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Nominator: BennyOnTheLoose (talk · contribs) 20:32, 12 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Rollinginhisgrave (talk · contribs) 15:03, 17 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, happy to take on this review. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 15:03, 17 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

All finished, just a few things to address. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 15:03, 17 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Looks good, giving this a pass. I'll note down the clarification on my suggestion below but it is very much not required for GA. Also I think something's gone wrong with the parameters in source 12 fyi. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 20:30, 17 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Content and Prose

At the start, the lede should be trimmed, as it is over a quarter of the article's wordcount.
The early life section appears misnamed. Early life on Wikipedia generally doesn't extend to age 33, especially when the subject dies at 68.
children; four boys and seven girls I'm quite sure a colon is appropriate here (although please correct me if I'm wrong)
He took up snooker aged 9, at the Catholic Association, 9 -> nine, and remove first comma.
He played snooker at a local league level, and also refereed matches. remove comma WP:CINS
from Northern Ireland redundant
between 1983, 1987, 1990 and 1993 this confuses me
but players including Steve Davis and John Virgo
but the show was eventually made with Jim Davidson as host and John Virgo. this is confusing
First paragraph of retirement and death is pretty choppy
Awarded the MBE -> Appointed MBE

All addressed, hopefully without introducing too many new issues. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 20:32, 17 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Suggestions

I think the moving the first sentence of the second paragraph in the lede would allow it to better work as an introductory paragraph, particularly with the opening "Having taken up" not concluding with him being involved in snooker.

Sorry, I'm probably being a little dense, but I'm not sure exactly what move is being suggested, although it sounds good.

Haha, to my mind the first paragraph of the lede should summarize the article, which the rest of the lede steps out in a more detailed summary. It is quite narratively unsatisfying for the "summary of a summary" to summarise his biography, right up until he actually does what he's notable for. So I thought the first sentence of the second paragraph: "Ganley took up refereeing snooker matches in 1976, on Ray Reardon's suggestion, after he had stepped in as a replacement referee for an exhibition match involving Reardon" could be moved up to the end of the first paragraph, to signify the beginning of his career. I thought I could summarize all that in one sentence. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 20:30, 17 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

His mother was a shop-keeper, and his father was a chimney sweep, and the family lived in the village of Castle-Lane. I quite dislike the and... and... structure. Consider "His family lived in... where}}

Amended, but feel free to tweak.

Ganley and his wife -> Ganley and Rosaline
after Ray Reardon suggested it to him -> on Ray Reardon's suggestion
Gloss Matchroom Snooker
stones, and 22 stones and -> reaching
In the beer advertisement, clarify that it was a fictional match for readability

All addressed, except where noted. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 20:14, 17 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Sources

[3] Y
[6] Y
[10] Could you provide a quote? clock

Burn has "the cameras that were to beam [Davis and Taylor] into the consciouness of an estimated 300 – 450 million people"
Hale has "professional snooker for the first time in the Peoples Republic of China ... it is referee Len Ganley who is the hero to Chinese television viewers ... 300 – 450 million people who, we later heard, watched the snooker on Chinese television"

[18] Y
[23] clock "died at home" contradicts "died at Craigavon Area Hospital", unless home is referring to Lurgan, which is probably too much of an assumption to put to wikivoice. [22] also says "has died at home in Northern Ireland."

Amended, as it looks like the majority of sources have "at home." This BBC source is an exception.

Other

Image appropriately tagged? Y
No COPYVIO/OR Y
Broad/not too narrow Y
Neutral Y
Stable Y

Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 15:03, 17 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.