Talk:Justin Wilson (racing driver)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 09:32, 4 April 2020 (UTC)

Comments

• " 2003, the Champ Car World Series from 2004 to 2007 ...." you don't link the F1 season to 2003 but you do link seasons to 2004 and 2007. I personally find such easter eggs undesirable full stop, but there's nothing in the GA criteria stopping you doing it. Just be consistent I guess.
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "1998, the International Formula 3000 Championship with Nordic Racing in 2001 and " comma after 2001.
• "then RuSPORT,teams " fix.
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "driver and was able t" replace and with who.
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• " financially in the long-term." delete.
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "Wilson has a younger brother," seems odd to use this tense when Justin is dead, maybe "Wilson's younger brother,"?
  • Yes, have changed to that tense. MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• " at the Worksop services" what are these?
  • Motorway services MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• A lot of sentences starting with Fullerton or Wilson, good use some variation.
  • Tried on this aspect MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "and became the first 16-year-old to win a motor race in the United Kingdom" this needs context. What kind of motor race? An affiliated one? One which is somehow officially recognised?
  • Clarified MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• A few very short sentences makes for choppy reading, consider merging and reworking some to improve the flow rather than an almost CV-based stacatto.
  • Have made changes to this MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• What's a pedal box?
  • Clarified MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "a fully funded and sponsored" seems to be the same?
  • Changed the wording MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• " BRDC Gold Medal, the ERA Club Trophy and the Graham Hill Trophy" are these notable? Should they be linked?
  • Not at the moment since those awards do not have stand-alone articles. MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "due to sponsorship issues" unclear what that means in this context?
  • Financial trouble MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "was rested for two races, Wilson was the team's preferred choice to replace him" rested to be replaced? Sounds unusual.
  • Yes because Yoong had failed to qualify for three races due to violating the 107% rule. MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "The capital was raised through Palmer searching for financial partners;[41] Wilson's father mortgaged the family home" no semi colon, this is an "and" moment. Or a "while".
  • Chosen the latter MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "900 individuals " don't start sentences with numbers.
  • Changed MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "Before the German Grand Prix, " state explicitly this was the 2003 one.
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• Check image captions, fragments don't need full stops.
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• " the Greg Moore Legacy Award that year" again I find it odd that formal titles are part-linked. Is the award notable?
  • Not so sure, but the award is mentioned on Moore's page. MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

That takes me to the "IndyCar Series (2008–2015)" section. I'll stop here for the evening if that's okay and continue tomorrow. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 21:09, 4 April 2020 (UTC)

• " In mid-race," no need for "in".
  • Removed MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "27th-place finish.[84] He finished" repetitive.
  • Changed MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• " For his results during the season" verbose, just say where he finished.
  • Removed MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• " team,[14][17][26] in February,[88] " cite hell, move to end and are three really required?
  • Changed this MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "with 354 accrued" accrued redundant.
  • Removed MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "Having been linked with..." -> "Although linked..."
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "points standings with 183 points" repetitive.
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "21st and advanced fourteen positions to finish seventh" mosnum, consistent words or numbers for comparable figures.
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "In the season's first five races, he finished sixth at the Indy Grand Prix of Alabama." what?
  • Changed the wording MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "his qualifying average dropped from 12.2 in 2013 to 13.11 " is this really significant?
  • Removed MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "ninth in class and 22nd " again, comparable numbers should be formatted the same.
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "Wilson finished tenth and scored one championship point for a 25th " ditto.
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "slowed faster than Wilson, who was following him, could do so." awkward construction.
  • Reworded MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "in Paulerspury, Northamptonshire," probably worth reinforcing that this was back in the UK, presumably his body had to be repatriated.
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "could ever find",[19][144][145] " why three cites for one fact?
  • Changed to two MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "soft-spoken and highly analytical. " not referenced while the other traits were.
  • Used a source from ESPN MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "awareness of organ donation" did Wilson donate his organs?
  • Yes it is stated in the first sentence of the third paragraph in the Personality and legacy section MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• Tables could use row and col scopes for MOS:ACCESS. Some do, but some don't...
  • Added some MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
• "p. 073" no need for leading zero.
  • Removed MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

That's about it for a first pass, on hold. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 08:11, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

• • @The Rambling Man: Have made changes where possible and have replied where appropriate. MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

Okay, good work, I'm promoting. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 09:39, 6 April 2020 (UTC)