Talk:Joseph Lonardo

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Joseph Lonardo/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Harrias (talk · contribs) 18:11, 6 April 2020 (UTC)

I'll take a look at this. Harrias ^talk 18:11, 6 April 2020 (UTC)

Early life

• "..and his three brothers and his sister emigrated.." Above, we were only told he had three brothers: could his sister be added to the family list above?

• • Done. I searched for three days to find a source with the sister's name, but had no luck. I'll keep looking. - Tim1965 (talk) 17:10, 9 April 2020 (UTC)

• What are "commission houses"?

• • @Tim1965: Can you address these please? Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:20, 7 April 2020 (UTC)

• • • This is addressed in footnote now lettered "b". It's currently at the end of the sentence that mentions commission houses; should it be moved up against the phrase? - Tim1965 (talk) 01:34, 8 April 2020 (UTC)

Criminal career

• "Lonardo criminal career.." Typo: Lonardo 's.
  •  Done. Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)
• "..in Prohibition's the first few years." Not quite right.
  •  Done. Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)
• "About 1913, a somewhat.." This paragraph seems out of place chronologically: would it be better placed before the Rise during early Prohibition header?
  •  Done. Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)
• Link "prohibition" to Prohibition in the United States on first use.
  •  Done. Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)
• "..of the bootlegging for Syndicate." Add "the" before Syndicate.
  •  Done. Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)
• Blend the first two paragraphs of Sugar baron years: 1925–26 together, to avoid the single sentence paragraph.
  •  Done. Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)
• "Corn sugar was the key to the manufacture.." Remove the first "the": "Corn sugar was key to the manufacture.."
  •  Done. Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)
• "The cottage industry system ingeniously dispersed distillation.." The use of "ingeniously" in Wikipedia's voice violates our NPOV requirements; either remove it, or attribute it to someone.
  •  Done. Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)
• Note k says "The emerging Porrello gang was not the only one the Mayfield Road Mob was competing with." This is the first we have heard about "the emerging Porrello gang"; more (or less) context needs to be given. Either explain it properly, or don't mention it at all.
  • @Tim1965: Can you address this please? Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:20, 7 April 2020 (UTC)

• • • Is that not explained with the last sentence in the section "Boss of the Cleveland crime family"? That sentence reads "More and more distillers and distributors of corn whiskey were joining a new Italian American gang run by the Porrellos that had formed near the intersection of Woodland Avenue and E. 55th Street." - Tim1965 (talk) 04:24, 8 April 2020 (UTC)

• Use a {{lang}} template for foreign language text such as "predominio dei licatesi", per MOS:LANG.
  •  Done. Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)

Death

• "Todaro, too, was unhappy with..." Merge this paragraph into either the one above, or below.
  •  Done. Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)
• "The relationship between Lonardo and the Porrellos worsened in 1927." I had expected that the paragraph would then explain why, but it doesn't, in fact Lonardo agrees to help them. Some context would be useful.
  • @Tim1965: Can you address this please? Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:20, 7 April 2020 (UTC)
    • I moved the sentence to bring it closer to the explanatory text. This should fix that - Tim1965 (talk) 04:36, 8 April 2020 (UTC)

• "Police found Joseph Lonardo's will.." Merge this into another paragraph.
  •  Done. Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)

Personal life

• "Lonardo deeded most of.." Merge this into another paragraph.
  •  Done. Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)

Lead

• "..likely on the orders of Black Sam Todaro." Add the quotation marks around "Black Sam".
  •  Done. Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)

Images

• All images are appropriately licensed and captioned.
• Consider adding alt text to the images, but this isn't a GA requirement.

References

• Use endashes, not hyphens for page ranges.
  •  Done. Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)
• Ref #5; note that this is source is in Italian, and if possible provide a translation for the title.
  •  Done. Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)
• Ref #10; "Murders Done-$25 A Head" change the hyphen to an endash.
  •  Done. Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)
• Ref #111 has a warning: "Harv error: link from CITEREFCapeci2005 doesn't point to any citation." I assume this is meant to point at Capeci 2004?
  • Where? I see Ref #111 as "Lonardo's Will Filed". The Plain Dealer. November 10, 1927. p. 1. Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)
    • Fixed. - Tim1965 (talk) 04:26, 8 April 2020 (UTC)

• Is "Gentile, Nick; Chilanti, Felice (1963)" an Italian-language source? If so, as above, note this and if possible provide a translation for the title.
  •  Done. Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)
• Add OCLC numbers (from WorldCat.org) to sources without an ISBN where possible.
  •  Done. Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)
• In general, the sourcing uses a consistent, appropriate style.
• Earwig and some spotchecks reveal no concerns regarding copyvio or close para-phrasing.

Overall this is a well-written and engaging article. In places, it goes into excessive detail for me; the most obvious example of this was the Yorkell and Brownstein murders section, but throughout the article there are examples of it; consider going through the article and considering each fact presented and think "Does this add necessary and valuable information to the reader about Lonardo?". Using the Yorkell and Brownstein murders section as an example, knowing that Yorkell was "muscular, plain-looking, shabbily-dressed" adds nothing to the reader's knowledge of Lonardo. Other than that, it is just the minor copy-edits listed above. Harrias ^talk 07:48, 7 April 2020 (UTC)

• Agree. Removed. Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 19:19, 7 April 2020 (UTC)

@Harrias: I think most of the points have been addressed. Any other concerns? Regards, Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 15:34, 10 April 2020 (UTC)

I'm still concerned that the article goes into excessive detail too often; as I said before, try and go through the entire article questioning each point, and whether it adds to the reader's understanding of Lonardo. With everyone around and hyper through the weekend, I might not be able to have another read through until Monday, but if I can squeeze it in sooner, I will. Harrias ^talk 18:02, 10 April 2020 (UTC)

I trimmed a bit more in the Yorkell and Brownstein murders section. I had a read of the rest of the article and I don't see an inherent things that could be trimmed, but if you still have any specific reservations, please raise them here and we'll see if we can rework it. Regards, Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 02:21, 11 April 2020 (UTC)

Some more points

• "..which he organized from a competing number of organized crime gangs." The repetition of "organized" in the lead is a bit awkward.
• Can you move note b closer to "commission houses", ideally by ref #11.
• "..a somewhat loosely organized Italian American gang.." Remove "somewhat", the meaning remains the same without it.
• "..at $2.19 a pound.." Provide a metric conversion for "pound".

Those aside, I think this is pretty much there. Harrias ^talk 14:52, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

@Harrias:  Done, also for $3.50 a pound. Vaselineeeeeeee^★★★ 16:41, 16 April 2020 (UTC)