Talk:Christen Press/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sportsfan77777 (talk · contribs) 17:52, 28 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

I intend to review this article some time this week. Sportsfan77777 (talk) 17:52, 28 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

As I see you've noticed, I've started reviewing the article. The content looks mostly good, except for a few gaps (the missing 2010 Pali Blues season subsection, the incomplete 2016 Chicago season paragraph, and the incomplete 2016 Summer Olympics subsection). However, there are a lot of line-by-line issues where the prose is not up to par. Would you rather I edit the text myself, or do you want me to give you a list of everywhere I think the text should be improved (with suggestions)? Either is fine with me. Sportsfan77777 (talk) 05:26, 2 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Here is the first set of comments:

Lead

Isn't it more customary to start out she is a "is an American soccer striker for the Utah Royals FC in the National Women's Soccer League (NWSL) and the United States women's national soccer team" Done
I agree you should mention that she is a FIFA World Cup champion in the first paragraph, but not in the first sentence. Done
I don't think it's worth just listing all of the clubs she has played for. Chicago is the only one where she played for two full seasons. Mention her current club in the first sentence. Then, make a note she played for Chicago for awhile. If you want to add a third, instead of her pro clubs, mention that she played for Stanford. You could also generically state she has played in the Swedish Damallsvenskan and not the different teams. Done
Press ~~has~~ played for the United States U-23 (I don't see why the tense is "has played") Done
Being an alternate for the Olympics isn't worth noting in the lead. Done
She has also won a ~~goal~~ gold medal Done
In the last paragraph, you can mention the clubs as they come up. For example, "In 2011, she was named the WPS Rookie of the Year as a member of the magicJack". Done

Early life

Stanford

As a general comment, most of the whole Stanford section just seems like a prose transcription of her lists of season highlights from https://gostanford.com/roster.aspx?rp_id=6028. I guess that is okay, if it is not plagiarism? But there is some room for improvement. Below, I suggest cutting some things to address this and to condense the section a bit. As is, it is also a little too detailed at some points.
Sometimes the NCAA Tournament is referred to as either the "NCAA Division I Tournament" or the "NCAA College Cup". Stick to just calling it the NCAA College Cup (or abbreviate it as College Cup in some instances of repetition). Done
Since the whole section is very long, I would suggest sub-sub-section headers for Freshman season, Sophomore season, etc. Done - separated.
Add a footnote to points near the beginning identifying it as (2 * goals + 1 * assists). This is not a standard definition of points in football. Done

Freshman season

As a freshman, Press was on the starting lineup for the Cardinal in 18 of the 21 games in which she played. --> As a freshman, Press started 18 games for the Cardinal. (abbreviate) Done
She set a new school record for fastest goal scored in a match after scoring in the 37th second of the team's 7–0 defeat of Sacramento State University in the first round of the NCAA Division I Tournament --> One of her biggest highlights of the year came in the first round of the NCAA College Cup when she scored a goal in the 37th second of the team's 7–0 victory. The goal was the fastest scored in school history. (restructured so that not every sentence starts with "she") Done
She scored two goals and served an assist during the same match. <<=== Cut this sentence. Done _ cut a bit
Press ~~She~~ was named Pac-10 Freshman of the Year... Done

Sophmore season

Start a new paragraph with "During her sophomore season," Done
During her sophomore season, Press scored 16 goals and served 11 assists and was one of only five players on the squad that started every game. ==> During her sophomore season, Press was one of only five players on the squad that started every game. She scored 16 goals and ~~served~~ had 11 assists. Done
Press scored 16 goals and ~~served~~ had 11 assists (no one says "serve assists") Repeated in the previous bullet point.
"After scoring the game-winning goal during the 86th minute of the NCAA Division I Tournament quarterfinal against the Portland Pilots, Press' lone goal helped launch the Cardinal to the Final Four." --->> "In the NCAA College Cup quarterfinal against the Portland Pilots, Press scored the lone goal of the match in the 86th minute to send the Cardinal to the Final Four." Done

Junior season

scoring 23 seconds into a match against ~~Brigham Young University~~ BYU. (the abbreviation of BYU is standard, like with UCLA) Done
She scored a the golden goal ~~and made an assist~~ in the Cardinal's 2–1 overtime win against the UCLA Bruins ~~during the Cardinal's 2–1 win securing the Cardinal~~ to send them into ~~its~~ their first-ever NCAA College Cup ~~Division I Tournament~~ final. (The word 'Cardinal' does not need to appear twice in this sentence.) Done - removed same name in a sentence as well
During the NCAA College Cup final loss against the North Carolina Tar Heels, an apparent tying goal by Press in the 89th minute was ruled offside. ==> They went on to lose the final to the North Carolina Tar Heels, after Press's apparent game-tying goal in the 89th minute was ruled offside. Done
"During the postseason, she was named to the NCAA College Cup All-Tournament team for the second time, Soccer America's MVPs first team and Top Drawer Soccer's Team of the Season" (Are those second and third things important? What are Soccer America and Top Drawer?) Removed

Senior season

This section could be expanded. This was her best college year, but it is the shortest paragraph of any year.
In the senior year paragraph, link the Hermann Trophy and say that it is for the nation's top college soccer player. Done
Add that she led the nation in goals and points. Done - in provided source
Add that they lost the College Cup final for the second consecutive year. Done - added new source to go with that
Add that the loss in the final was their only loss all season, and that they finished 23–1–2 (with the tooltip). Done - same sentence as the previous point

Club career

There should be a short sub-section on her time with Pali Blues.

magicJack, 2011

She scored her first goal in the 64th minute of magicJack's 2–0 ~~defeat of~~ victory over the Atlanta Beat in May 2011. (it sounded like they lost...) Done - fixed
Press scored a hat trick improving the team's league record to 6–6–2 overall (I don't see why the team's record is mentioned here.) Done - removed
Before the ROTY sentence, mention that the team lost in the semifinals of the playoffs. Done
She was awarded the US Soccer Federation's Rookie of the Year award in part for being the first-ever rookie to score a hat trick ~~for the first-ever hat trick scored by a rookie.~~ (the hat trick is not the only reason she won the award.) Done - changed a bit
During the ~~postseason~~ offseason, Press signed with the Atlanta Beat Done

Kopparbergs/Göteborg FC, 2012

Her first game with Göteborg ~~occurred during~~ was a 2012–13 UEFA Women's Champions League quarterfinal match Done
During her regular season debut with Göteborg on April 10, 2012, she scored two goals—her first coming during the fifth minute of the match against Djurgårdens ==> During her regular season debut against Djurgårdens in April, Press scored two goals, the first of which came in the fifth minute of the match. Done
~~During~~ In the team's 6–0 ~~defeat of~~ win over KIF Örebro later that month, she scored another pair of goals, this time within five minutes of each other.
On August 25, 2012, she scored two goals again—this time within two minutes of each other in the 61st and 63rd minutes—helping Göteborg defeat Umeå 5–0. ==> In August, Press had a third two-goal game, this time scoring two minutes apart as Göteborg defeated Umeå 5–0. Done after missing that out
Press was the second-highest scorer in the Damallsvenskan with 17 league goals, behind only Anja Mittag, and scored a total of 25 in all ~~2012~~ competitions Done
sometimes QF is hyphenated and sometimes it is not. pick one and stick with it. (I think no hyphen is better.) Done
The cup part: In the Swedish Cup, Press scored at least a goal in the last three rounds of the tournament, including two in the quarterfinals. She was instrumental in both goals in the final against Tyresö FF, scoring the first and also winning a penalty in extra time. Marlene Sjöberg converted the penalty to help Göteborg win the cup by a score of 2–1.
Here is a source for Press drawing the penalty: https://www.uefa.com/women/news/newsid=1876116.html Done, thanks

Tyresö FF, 2013–2014

In early 2013, Press signed with ~~Swedish~~ Damallsvenskan champions, Tyresö FF, located in Stockholm. (no need to repeat Swedish) Done
Except for the first sentence above, get rid of mentions of 2013. It is obvious what year these things happened. Done - yeah pretty obvious.
Get rid of the exact dates. Just put the month. Done
Too many sentences start with "During", particularly near the beginning. Done
During her regular season debut for the team, she scored a goal in the 14th minute helping Tyresö defeat Vittsjö GIK 2–0. ===>>> For the second consecutive season, she scored a goal in her regular season debut. (the minute and opponent are not important.) Done - agree
The two "second and third hat trick sentences" shouldn't seem so disjoint. They are related, especially if they are in back-to-back games. Done - possibly, this is merged into one sentence
Press finished the ~~2013~~ season as the top scorer in the league with 23 goals(add a comma here) becoming the first American to do so in the history of the Damallsvenskan. (cite this sentence) Done
Her total goal tally of 43 in the 2013 season is notable. Even the separate tallies of 11 in cup and 9 in the CL are worth mentioning. Done
2014-15 UEFA Women's Champions League <<<==== That's the wrong type of dash. Done - fixed
Round of 32 match Done - added
~~launching~~ sending her team (also, the comma in this sentence should be after PSG, not before.) Done
Add a brief statement about her games in the 2014 season. Done

Chicago Red Stars, 2014–2017

On In January 3~~, 2014~~, the Chicago Red Stars of the National Women's Soccer League announced that Press would be joining their roster for the 2014 season following her time with Tyresö FF. ===>> After this, state that "Press joined the team in late May, two months into the NWSL season." Done
Get rid of the minutes the goals were scored (unless it's important, like in the 90th minute -- which none of these are.) Done
During a match on July 4 against 2013 champions Portland Thorns FC at Providence Park, Press scored two goals in the 76th and 82nd minutes to equalize the score resulting in a draw after being down 2–0 at halftime. ==> During a match in July against the reigning champion Portland Thorns FC, Press scored two goals in the last fifteen minutes to lead the Red Stars to a draw after being down 2–0 at halftime. Done - rewritten
Press returned to the Red Stars for the 2015 ~~Chicago Red Stars~~ season. (abbreviate the link) Done
served an assist to Jen Hoy ==>>> assisted a goal by Jen Hoy Done
week 2 ===> week two Done
in a three-game span; including a brace ===> a normal comma instead of a semicolon Done
The 2016 season is mostly missing.
with a 11–7–6 record securing a berth to the playoffs (add a comma in-between "record" and "securing") Done
The FourFourTwo sentence doesn't really fit here (It has nothing to do with the NWSL). I would cut it, or move it to another section (such as if you add a section on "Playing style"). Done - removed
I would suggest adding more details as to what happened with why she didn't go to Houston. Specifically, I would explain how NWSL contracts work in the context of this case.

Kopparbergs/Göteborg FC, 2018

It should be mentioned that she went back to Sweden in lieu of going to Houston while her NWSL status was still being sorted out. Done
Abbreviate as Goteborg FC in the prose. Done
Don't overlink Goteberg FC. Done

Utah Royals FC, 2018–

Add "present" to section header Done

International career

This subsection should be grouped with the rest of the 2013 section. Done - grouped the 2012 and 2013 together
"In 2012, as a member of the United States women's national soccer team player pool, Press attended the 2012 Summer Olympics in London as an alternate." This sentence is a little off (mentions 2012 twice, and the pool part isn't clear). How about: "Press had been named as a member of the United States women's national soccer team player pool for the 2012 Summer Olympics in London. She attended the event as an alternate, but did not make the final roster." Done similarly
Also, neither of the links for that sentence still work. Done - fixed
on February 9, 2013 in a ~~match~~ friendly against Scotland Done

2013 Algarve Cup

Don't include the cup in the header. It is not as notable as the WC or the Olympics. Also, it is misleading since it takes place every year, unlike those other tournaments. Done - got it
She earned two additional caps at the Algarve during the knockout stage match against Sweden led by former United States coach, Pia Sundhage, and in the final against Germany. (Cut this sentence. For what it's worth, there is no knockout stage.) ===> You can add that she started in the final against Germany. Done

2014

This section is not in chronological order. Done I think
It's also missing the 2014 CONCACAF Women's Championship. Done - they won it, it should be there thanks.

2015 FIFA Women's World Cup

Rename subsection "2015: FIFA Women's World Cup" Done
There's some repetition at the end. Done

2016 Summer Olympics

Rename subsection: "2016: Summer Olympics"
I know they lost, but there should be more than one sentence. Done - added a few
Did Press play/start/sub in these Olympics? Any goals/assists? Done - she did but didn't score any goals from the reports from FIFA
I know at least she missed the final penalty in their shoutout loss to Sweden.

Career statistics

Link Pali Blues and magicJack. Cite those statistics as well. Partly done - cannot find any sources for the Pali Blues yet.
WP:Football advises citing each club season separately, even if it is the same source. Done and cited.
In the list of international goals, the 2014 CONCACAF Women's Championship games should not simply be called "World Cup qualifiers." This is a separate tournament. Done - agreed

Honors and awards

Good

In popular culture

Move the body issue sentence to the previous paragraph (with the other magazines). Done - moved

Overall

It would be nice if there was a new section on her playing style.
All of the pictures are available in the commons.
I checked the plagiarism flags with the highest concern and found no issues.
There are places where I'm concerned about MOS:US (when to use U.S., US, or United States). The current usage is not consistent throughout the article. Done - fixed consistency
Overall, the prose is not that good. I've gone through the whole article and made a ton of edits (see above). It is definitely necessary to improve the prose to make this a GA. I tried to explain most of the comments, but if you have any further questions related to any specific issues, feel free to ask/comment/disagree.
I would be happy to be WP:BOLD and help make the copyediting changes myself in some places if you would like. (If I went ahead and made changes, it would probably speed up the rest of the review.)
This link doesn't work: "Sundhage picks 6 newcomers for U.S. Olympic team" Done - found archive urls for the last four points
This link is dead: http://www.goteborgfc.se/Fotboll/kgfc.nsf/0/A9485E1E40544B2CC12579A7004F5E72
This link redirects to the wrong page: https://svenskfotboll.se/arkiv/cuper-serier/2012/10/svenska-cupen-damer-final-2012/ (Göteborg vinnare igen i finaldrama (info) [svenskfotb])
This link redirects to the wrong page: Christen Press player profile (info) [bbc.com] accessdate=January 8, 2013 publisher=BBC Sport

These are all of my comments for now. Once a lot of the prose is cleaned up, I'll probably have some more comments on the structure or content. I fear some of the review above is a bit of a mess. Let me know if I should make the review neater.

I'm placing the article on hold to give you time to address these issues. Sportsfan77777 (talk) 06:55, 3 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@Iggy the Swan: I see you've covered many of the issues. Should I start a second round of comments? Sportsfan77777 (talk) 21:15, 7 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Yes, thanks. I'll see what needs improving later on in the day and see exactly what I may have missed. Iggy (Swan) 06:44, 8 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Second round of comments

Lead

Early life

The second sentence should state that her father played American football at Dartmouth, while mother was a college tennis player. (Cite this SI article: https://www.si.com/planet-futbol/2015/06/05/christen-press-usa-womens-world-cup-uswnt) Done
At the end of this section (before Stanford), add that she did not play for any of the US youth national teams while in high school. (cite her profile --- reference #1) Done
In the Stanford lead, close by stating she was Stanford's ??th Hermann trophy winner and a two-time runner-up at the NCAA College Cup. Done

Club career

Tyreso finished runner-up in the Champions League in 2013–14. That isn't mentioned. Done
It should be clarified that Press moved to Chicago after the Champions League ended. Done

International career

Career statistics

Overall

There is still some WP:PROSELINE in certain places. (One sentence doesn't really lead into the next sentence.)
Check to make sure other key information (along the lines of making the Champions League final) isn't left out.

The issue with that (to me) is that I'm not familiar with the WP:Proseline thing so when I've read the article again, I think this looks fine but others don't so I am stuck on that bit. Iggy (Swan) 18:54, 11 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Last comments

I'm going to fail this review for two reasons: The content wasn't checked for comprehensiveness, and I think there are still many issues with the prose. Too much of this article needs or has needed to be written or re-written during the GA process, which isn't what the review is for.

Comprehensiveness of Content

I had already pointed that the 2016 Summer Olympics and the 2013–14 Champions League final were largely missing. That has been addressed, albeit the prose could be improved.
Other remaining issues are:
- The 2016 club season is incomplete.
- Her departure from Chicago is not adequately explained. (see, e.g. https://www.theguardian.com/football/2018/mar/13/christen-press-houston-dash-trade-womens-soccer-uswnt for more context)
- There is no "Playing style" section. (I see this is missing from other women's football GAs, but men's football GAs typically have this section.)
- The article doesn't discuss how she first got called up and later established herself as a starter onto the national team (see, e.g. https://www.si.com/planet-futbol/2015/06/05/christen-press-usa-womens-world-cup-uswnt for more context)
- The article doesn't fully discuss how she ended up in Sweden. (There are some good quotes and comments in that SI link above)
- Many of the secondary tournaments are missing from the international career section (e.g. the SheBelievesCup and the Tournament of Nations)
- This is also partially an issue with the prose, but much of the writing of the club and international sections only documents specific games and the team's year-end results. It could discuss other things as well, such as the significance of specific games or who she played with (or against) on each team (e.g. Marta was one of her teammates on Tyreso). It's hard to say what exactly is missing per se, but you can see better examples with Alex Morgan and Abby Wambach. On the men's side, Leo Messi is also a good example, albeit often more detailed than needed just to pass a GA review.

Issues with Prose

There are grammar issues in some places.
The transitions between sentences are not good at times (related to WP:PROSELINE)
There are too many dates, and specific dates are often unnecessary. (related to WP:PROSELINE)
There are too many scores included.
Related to the above two points, specific regular season games rarely need to be mentioned. (This would help condense certain sub-sections.)
Also related to the above two points, certain things should be grouped together but or not.
Certain topics are not introduced well. / The structure within individual paragraphs is poor at times.

Feel free to re-nominate after addressing most of these issues. Given how much I've read about Press this month, I might be interested in helping write this article to get it to a GA standard (but not in the next few weeks). Sportsfan77777 (talk) 05:36, 14 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]