Jump to content

Talk:Bernard Hinault/GA1

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review

[edit]
GA toolbox
Reviewing

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 16:15, 4 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Will review. MWright96 (talk) 16:15, 4 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@MWright96: Thank you, looking forward to your comments :) Zwerg Nase (talk) 09:37, 5 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Lead

[edit]
  • "he is often named among the greatest cyclists of all times." - time
  • "In 1978, he won his first two Grand Tours, winning both the Vuelta a España and the Tour de France. " - I believe winning both is redundant and needs deleting
  • "He bounced back the following year," - recovered
All  Done. Zwerg Nase (talk) 08:38, 9 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Early life and family

[edit]
  • "Hinault had bought the 48-hectare property near Calorguen in 1983." - Use the 48 ha (120 acres) template on 48-hectacre
 Done Zwerg Nase (talk) 08:39, 9 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Amateur career

[edit]
  • "as a reward for passing his school exams" - examinations
  • "He took his military service at the young age of 18 over the course of 1973, not racing for the entire year." - How about He was conscripted into the military at age 18, and did not race throughout 1973.?
  • "On the road, he raced in the Étoile des Espoirs, a race open to amateurs and young professionals." - took part for the avoidance of close repetition of similar words
All  Done Zwerg Nase (talk) 08:41, 9 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]

1975–1977: Gitane

[edit]
  • "who had decided to split up the prize money" - divided is more formal here
 Done
  • "His results in his first season were impressive, with seventh at Paris–Nice" - with a seventh at the Paris–Nice
Have done the a, also added "place". Concerning the "the" ahead of bike race names. I know, Phil Liggett always says "the Paris-Nice" and so forth, but I feel this sounds stupid. From the reliable sources at my disposal, I see this is a handled differently. Cyclingnews doesn't use it for instance...
Just to clarify: Obviously I only mean races which start with place names, such as Paris-Nice or Paris-Roubaix. Zwerg Nase (talk) 12:12, 15 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "netting him the Promotion Pernod," - how about earning instead?
 Done
  • "However, Hinault showed little willingsness" - typo; willingness
 Done
  • "lesser known races such as Paris–Camembert, which he won." - events such as the Paris–Camembert
See above.
  • "with a second, consecutive victory at the Circuit de la Sarthe," - the comma is redundant
 Done
  • "third at the Grand Prix du Midi Libre" - a third place
 Done
  • "being beaten to the line for fifth by none other than Eddy Merckx." - "none other than" is redundant and needs deleting
 Done
  • " Hinault left the Tour of Flanders before it had even started, gaining him a formal warning by Guimard for his conduct." - drawing
 Done
  • "Five days later, at Liège–Bastogne–Liège," - at the
See above.
  • "leading Van Impe and Bernard Thévenet by 1:30 minutes by the summit." - heading into
I chose "when crossing"
 Done
  • "This also secured his overall victory" - him the overall victory
 Done

1978: Grand Tour breakthrough

[edit]
  • "on which he rode 55 km (34 mi) on his own," - solo
 Done
  • "Hinault rode conservatively in the Pyrenees to stay within striking distance of Zoetemelk." - what is meant by striking distance here?
Meaning that he limited the time deficit on the general classification.
  • "as was the case on this 12 July." - remove "this"
 Done
  • "ended with Zoetemelk, Hinault and the temporary yellow jersey Michel Pollentier" - yellow jersey wearer
 Done
  • "but Hinault surprisingly contested the finishing sprint," - "surprisingly" sounds like editorialising to me; should be changed to something neutral or be removed
 Done

1979: Second Tour victory and Classics success

[edit]
  • "with third placed Kuiper already more than 12 minutes behind." - with the third-placed
  • "He had escaped from the field a massive 150 km (93 mi) from the finish," - remove "a massive"
Both  Done Zwerg Nase (talk) 09:11, 9 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]

1980: Attempt at the Triple Crown

[edit]
  • "dropping out of Paris–Nice." - withdrawing from the
Did withdrawing, for "the" see above.
  • "Following fourth place at the prologue" - Following a fourth place
 Done
  • "which contained cobbled sections used in Paris–Roubaix," - used in the}
See above.
  • "not informing the press, which let to a fallout" - led
 Done

1981: Winning a third Tour de France

[edit]
  • "Some weeks later, he added a victory at the Amstel Gold Race." how many weeks exactly?
Good thing you mentioned this, it was actually earlier. Calender was different back then... Zwerg Nase (talk) 09:18, 9 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]

1982: Achieving the Giro–Tour double

[edit]
  • "Zoetemelk was again the runner up," - runner up is hyphenated
 Done

1983: Second Vuelta and the ascent of Fignon

[edit]
  • "He bounced back and took the lead" - came back
 Done

1984: Defeat at Fignon's hands

[edit]
  • "while at the same time scientificly measuring his progress." - typo; scientifically
 Done

1985: The second Giro–Tour double

[edit]
  • "even though his team car rode behind him with the door opened the entire time to ensure that bystanders would have a harder time impeeding him." - typo; should be impeding
Done. Some English spelling I will just never understand...
  • The entire second paragraph in this section lacks reliable source(s)
Done. Broke up that part into two paragraphs and forgot to duplicate the source.
  • "holding an advantage of five-and-a-half minues on LeMond," - typo; minutes
All  Done. Zwerg Nase (talk) 13:31, 15 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]

1986: The final season

[edit]
  • "partly due to Hinault deciding that the team" - change the text in bold to squad for variety and to remove close reptition of the same word
Done.
  • "Hinault then cracked, coming in ninth, 4:39 behind stage winner LeMond." - 4:39 minutes
Done.
  • "He rode the World Championships Road Race, held at Colorado Springs." - held in
Done.
  • "He aimed to win, showing surprising effort in his preparation." - editoralising is again present here
Changed to "a lot of".
  • "Nevertheless, he finished the race in a disappointing 59th place" - same issue as above
All  Done. Zwerg Nase (talk) 13:34, 15 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Retirement

[edit]
  • "the Tour de France organisers, Amaury Sport Organisation (ASO), approached Hinault and invited him to join the management team of the event." - its race management team.
Done.
  • "Offers from Bouygues Télécom and a Chinese investor in the mid-2000s did not go through." - fell through.
All  Done. Zwerg Nase (talk) 13:35, 15 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Riding style and legacy

[edit]
  • "Hinault would be able to control the pace of races, use his influence with race organisers" - change to event to avoid close reptition of "race"
Have changed the first instance to "the peloton" instead.
  • "The riders' strike at Valence d'Agen in the 1978 Tour is cited as the first instance in which Hinault took over this role." - assumed
Done.
  • "He urged the riders to protest and ride slowly, but some broke ranks," - disagreed
Chose "did not follow his example".
  • "during his Tour wins and his behavior towards fans and officials" - behaviour
Done.
  • "who he treated with open disgust." - whom
Done.
  • "With an impressive résumé of victories, including all three Grand Tours (all of them more than once)," - rewrite to With a résumé of victories that include all three Grand Tours to avoid editorialising
Done, with "includes" for grammar reasons.
  • "Hinault has often been cited among the greatest cyclists of all time." - cited by whom?
Well, I have given two sources of many right behind this statement. Should I write down the authors of that? Those people are not well-known, so I feel that does not add much to the article. The main thing is to source the statement overall. Have added another example in a sentence right behind. Hope this suffices. Let me know. Zwerg Nase (talk) 13:44, 15 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]
I do not believe the authors are required in this instance. MWright96 (talk) 18:48, 15 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Nickname

[edit]
  • "who would use the term to put the young rider in his place." - try to avoid using idioms per MOS:IDIOM
Have changed to "tease the young rider". Still fairly colloquial, but maybe better? Zwerg Nase (talk) 13:46, 15 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]
I believe that is much better than the previous version. MWright96 (talk) 18:48, 15 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Stance on doping

[edit]
  • "He was handed a one-month suspended ban and fined 1,110 Swiss Francs," - CHF 1,110 per MOS:CURRENCY
Done. Have also wikilinked to Swiss Franc since I feel the currency constitutes a "lesser known currency" per MOS:CURRENCY.
  • "To this claim, Hinault replied" - To counter this claim.
Done.
  • "he urged the other riders to strike in protest if Froome should compete." - if Froome competed.
All  Done. Zwerg Nase (talk) 13:49, 15 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]

References

[edit]
  • The McGannMcGann sfn templates that are used should be formatted as follows: {sfn|McGann|McGann|p=}
Fixed.
  • The same fix applies to the book written by LagetLagetCazabanMontgermont: {sfn|Laget|Laget|Cazaban|Montgermont|p=}
Fixed.
  • Also, all of the sfn templates for Van Gucht's 2015 book should not have the underdash character (_) in it
I actually had to figure out how to do that, but it appears to have worked. You never stop learning.

Those are the many points that I found in my read-through. On hold. MWright96 (talk) 12:18, 7 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@MWright96: Thank you for the review! Have addressed all points, some are still up for debate, looking forward to your comments! Zwerg Nase (talk) 13:57, 15 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you! Zwerg Nase (talk) 07:12, 16 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Retrieved from "http://en.wiki.x.io/w/index.php?title=Talk:Bernard_Hinault/GA1&oldid=887999588"