Talk:Alvin Kersh/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: JulieSpaulding (talk) 14:06, 10 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, I'm going to be reviewing this article, and I'll base my review off the Good Article criteria.

A good article is:

1. Well-written. (a) the prose is clear and the spelling and grammar are correct; and, (b) it complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, jargon, words to avoid, fiction, and list incorporation.

Reasonably. However, I have these points to make:

In the lead section, the word 'alien' is capitalized. However, when the same word appears in the third paragraph of the 'character arc' section, it is not capitalized. This should be fixed: I would say choose the lower-case version but I don't know if 'Alien' has any special meaning here.
In the second paragraph of 'character arc', the word 'federal' is capitalized. Is this necessary? I'm not actually sure.
I think there might be a bit of tautology in the last paragraph of 'character arc'. The second sentence reads like this: "In the end... series finale..." So, you're basically saying the same thing twice. I would recommend getting rid of "In the end".
The third paragraph of 'conceptual history' is just one great sentence that seems a little long. Maybe you should break it up into two or three sentences?
This sentence: "Salon writer Aaron Kinner when writing a review for the ninth season, noted that he was the first black character since "X" in season four." may need some punctuation before the first comma. I would suggest "Salon writer Aaron Kinner, when writing a review for the ninth season, noted that Kersh was the first black character since "X" in season four."
Everything that is said in the lead section must be said somewhere else in the article. The following isn't mentioned anywhere else: 'he was re-introduced in the season eight opener, "Within"'
There needs to be a timeline to the character arc. A good real-life biography would not be complete without dates, and a good character description would not be complete without at least references to which episode an event occurred in. For example, "When Mulder returned, Kersh refused to assign him to the X-Files, keeping Doggett in that position." When did Mulder return? Which episode?
Numbers under ten should be spelled out in full (6 should read six, etc.). An example I see where this is not followed is "Mulder consults with the FBI 6 years later."
Ampersands should not be used unless you are discussing a name, like Marks & Spencer. "Chris Carter & Frank Spotnitz" should be changed to "Chris Carter and Frank Spotnitz".
I think these two sentences need to be merged into one (taking into account what I said earlier about the first sentence of the pair): "Salon writer Aaron Kinner when writing a review for the ninth season, noted that he was the first black character since "X" in season four. While not positive towards the characters development during the ninth season and the season overall."

I believe that this article does meet the last five criteria (although I'm not too sure about using only one web source that I can verify right now!).

Final decision: I'm really sorry, but I don't think I can pass an article with these prose problems at the moment. If you get them fixed up soon, drop me a note on my user talk page and I'll swing by to review the article again so you don't have to wait forever at WP:GAN. JulieSpaulding (talk) 14:50, 10 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]