Talk:Alcoholism in adolescence

2nd paragraph of section "Consequences of alcoholism throughout Adolescence" problematic

The whole second paragraph of the section „Consequences of alcoholism throughout Adolescence” is probably not compliant with wikipedia’s style & standards and the general aims for a wiki and should probably be removed or thoroughly rewritten.

main issues:
(examples start with a „-“)
1. somewhat written like a discussion or opinion essay, with conclusions being drawn and justified (!= neutral pov)
- „Under age drinking is a danger that brings many dangers and risks for all.”
- „These counter arguments still don't” (essay style)
- „With that said I believe that it is our moral duty as citizens"
2. strange sourcing/logic/style-of-writing/not verifiable
- „With that said I believe that it is our moral duty as citizens to advocate for justice against a system that is broken because of politicians who are only out for self-gratification.[6]”
[6] see here: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4669962/
abstract of source doesn’t seem to mention politicians out for self-gratification; strong claim should probably also require strong evidence
- „These counter arguments still don't change the fact that minors will continue to die, or how harmful drinking is to the human body when starting at a young age.[citation needed] Take the brain for instance, drinking effects more than one part of the brain like the cerebral cortex, frontal lobe, and the hippocampus. These areas alone are responsible for consciousness, self-control, and memory;”
No citation for effects, implicit reasoning, evidence should probably show that damage to these areas occurs and that this damage manifests itself in „consciousness, self-control, and memory” (in a problematic way) or make it clear that this is somewhat plausible, but no evidence exists etc.
- „Underage drinking causes 5,000 deaths a year. 1,900 by motor vehicle, 1,600 involving homicides, 300. suicides“
describes situation in the US; should make it clear that there are other reasons included in the 5000-dead statistic than the explicitly stated ones(as 1900 + 1600 + 300 = 3800 != 5000); probably a ratio would be more helpful (% of underage/teens etc.); likely good source
(Paragraph also contains "weasel-words", but don't find that very urgent/problematic.)

I’m new to wikipedia and not very acquainted with all the content and style rules etc., so I will just leave this up so somebody can look over it if there really even is a problem. If nobody posts anything contrary and the paragraph is still up I’m probably gonna remove it/at least put a template up in a few days/weeks.

---
paragraph:
Under age drinking is a danger that brings many dangers and risks for all. Underage drinking causes 5,000 deaths a year. 1,900 by motor vehicle, 1,600 involving homicides, 300. suicides.[5] Although there may be some who advocate for underage drinking to be legalized for reasons that legalization of underage drinking would be able to be supervised or it would cause minors to not want to drink so much.[citation needed] These counter arguments still don't change the fact that minors will continue to die, or how harmful drinking is to the human body when starting at a young age.[citation needed] Take the brain for instance, drinking effects more than one part of the brain like the cerebral cortex, frontal lobe, and the hippocampus. These areas alone are responsible for consciousness, self-control, and memory; With that said I believe that it is our moral duty as citizens to advocate for justice against a system that is broken because of politicians who are only out for self-gratification.[6]
Editingthings (talk) 18:45, 13 July 2017 (UTC)