Draft:Chad Snodgrass
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Chad Snodgrass is an American retired Charleston, WV police officer, former Air Force sniper instructor, and (self-proclaimed) pioneer of an action-movie fighting style so revolutionary it’s still entirely unknown to the rest of the world. Despite his many claims to fame—both real and highly suspect—his greatest achievement is arguably convincing his vastly superior wife, Stephanie Snodgrass, to marry him. Honestly, that’s a miracle on par with splitting the Red Sea.
Early Life
Not much is known about Chad’s early life—and frankly, no one’s asking. It’s safe to assume it involved a lot of questionable haircuts, awkward social interactions, and an unfortunate fashion sense. His formative years might best be described as "forgettable," though the world will never know just how forgettable because Stephanie Snodgrass wasn’t there to supervise yet.
Career Highlights
Chad’s career kicked off in law enforcement, where he served as a Charleston police officer. Simultaneously, he had an illustrious position as a sniper instructor for the U.S. Air Force. (Yes, he taught people how to hit targets from miles away. Yes, this might explain why he’s overly confident during Nerf gun battles at family barbecues.) Post-retirement, Chad launched his own company, Cutting Edge Combatives [1], where he trains individuals in self-defense. While this sounds noble, there are murmurs—okay, outright speculation—that Chad’s true motive is less about protecting the innocent and more about finding creative ways to beat up on people he’s fairly certain can’t fight back. It’s unclear if this is true, but it’s probably true.
Personal Life
Chad’s personal life took a dramatic turn for the better when he married Stephanie Snodgrass, a woman universally recognized as smarter, more attractive, and vastly more likable than Chad. Under her guidance (read: ironclad patience), Chad somehow managed to help raise an outstanding son. The sheer effort this must have required from Stephanie is truly the stuff of legends. Rise to (Sort-of) Fame Chad’s life remained relatively uneventful until much, much, much later in life. In a desperate attempt to scrape the bottom of the talent barrel, an independent film company approached Chad to choreograph fight scenes for a movie. It was during this chaotic endeavor that Chad accidentally invented Swat Combat, a fighting style he describes as both "deadly" and "beautiful." According to Chad (and only Chad), Swat Combat [2] is a groundbreaking combination of tactical precision and cinematic flair. Unfortunately, it has yet to be recognized by any martial arts governing body, independent reviewer, or sentient human being. Nevertheless, Chad remains convinced of its brilliance and is quick to demonstrate it in the office breakroom when asked (or not asked).
Legacy
While his fame remains largely confined to the watercooler chatter of his "regular guy job," Chad’s life is a testament to… something. Perseverance? Audacity? The power of being married to someone way out of your league? Whatever it is, Chad Snodgrass continues to live his life with the swagger of a man who truly believes he’s the main character in an action movie—even if it’s straight-to-DVD.