Wikipedia:WikiProject Film/Peer review/Tears of the Black Tiger

Tears of the Black Tiger

I believe this is a good article. It is the most thorough compilation of facts about the film that I'm aware of. — WiseKwai 14:01, 10 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, APR _t 21:00, 10 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Introduction

"With a story involving the tragic romance of a fatalistic, working-class hero who has become an outlaw and the upper-class daughter of a provincial governor, the movie is equal parts homage to and parody of Thai action movies of the 1950s and 1960s and melodramatic romantic tearjerkers." This sentence bothers me. First thing is the who clause needs to be off set to make it clear, especially because of the length of this sentence. "With a story involving" sounds wordy. Does the film parody all romantic tearjerkers or those from the same time as the action movies? You also mix calling it a "film" and a "movie". Pick one and be consistent. Here's a possible rephrasing, which I don't really like either, but it might help you out.
- "The film centers on the tragic romance between a fatalistic, working-class hero, who has become an outlaw, and the upper-class daughter of a provincial governor. As such the film is equal parts homage to and parody of Thai action movies of the 1950s and 1960s and melodramatic romantic tearjerkers."
  - Took another shot at it.
"the Dragons and Tigers Awards for Best New Director" Maybe you can find a wikilink for this, if not it's no big deal.
- Vancouver International Film Festival article could stand some expansion to include details about this.
"It was purchased for distribution in the United States by Miramax Films, which changed the ending and then shelved the film indefinitely." Rephrase from passive to active.
- Done.
You forgot one fair use rationale for Image:Tears5.jpg, and I also changed the fair use rationale for the poster to a more standard one. Otherwise they look good.
- The one image I didn't upload. Surprised I missed it, though.

Plot and cast

At first glance, the plot has lots of random wikilinks. White? Plain? Knife? Bullet? Beach? etc. Please cut out the unimportant ones.
- I like white because it talks about what it represents. The others probably won't survive the cutting.
The plot is approx. 1,890 words long. It needs to be condensed, and if that is not possible explain why.
- Since condensing it will change everything, I won't proofread this section as my suggestions might end up being unnecessary. I'll gladly do it after the condensing though.
  - I knew it was too long, but had no idea it was that long. Yikes.
    - I've cut the plot down to 1,000 words, which is probably still too long. But have a look and see what you think, if you want.
Are any of the other actors deserving of a wikilink in the cast section?
- The other actors deserve a wikilink, but have no articles. I dislike the look of too many red links in cast sections, so ...
Plot review follows
"Dressed all in black and wearing a black cowboy hat, " I think you can cut the second black especially because you have a picture of it. Also specify the wikilink to the symbolism section.
"The bullet ricochets around before it hits its target – a man's forehead." Why not simply "The bullet ricochets around before burrowing into a man's forehead."?
"off a variety of items" possibly just "off of items" considering you wikilink Rube Goldberg
How does the first paragraph, which is only two sentences, connect with the second one?
"Mahesuan is bitter about Dum taking his place as the best gunman in the outlaw gang headed by the brutal Fai. Mahesuan finds Dum playing a harmonica. He knocks it out of Dum's hand and baits him into a gunfight. The quick-drawing Dum fires first. Mahesuan is not injured, but a dead snake drops from an overhanging tree branch onto Mahesuan's cowboy hat. Dum killed the venomous snake, saving Mahesuan's life." This is choppy; make it flow.
"Dum then thinks back" You wikilink "thinks back" to "flashback", which does show that it is a flashback but only if someone clicks through. If it's important explicitly state it, otherwise leave it as is.
"Dum then thinks back to his childhood 10 years ago during the Second World War, when Rumpoey and her father had to leave the city. They came to stay with Dum's father, a district chief, at their small farm in rural Thailand." He can't think back to what other people did when he wasn't there, so he should be the subject. Maybe:
- "Dum then thinks back to his childhood 10 years ago during the Second World War, when Rumpoey and her father left the city to stay on Dum's father's small farm in rural Thailand."
"which is called "Sala Awaiting the Maiden"" Why is this important? A wikilink (or a clause) to Sala would be nice to explain that.
"Dum says a woodcutter built it to await the daughter of a wealthy family whom he had fallen in love with." You're missing a comma and "whom" currently refers to the wealthy family.
"filled with some boys." Is the some needed?
"On the way home, they collide with another boat that is filled with some boys. They taunt Rumpoey, and Dum fights with them. He is struck with an oar and the boat overturns. Dum rescues Rumpoey but is late in coming home. So he is punished by his father, who lashes the boy's back with a rattan cane. Rumpoey feels sorry for him and buys Dum a harmonica to replace the flute she broke." Needs to flow.
"In shock at seeing Rumpoey's face, Dum is stabbed in the chest with his own knife and allows Kumjorn to escape." Ouch! I can see why he let him escape, but who stabbed him? (Active trumps passive most of the time.)
"a gang of male students – the same boys from her childhood boat accident." Why not just a comma?
"Dum comes to her rescue, but ends up expelled" You need to review comma usage. You use them when not needed and don't use them when needed. Your most common mistake is the one quoted, where you have a single subject with two verbs. Here a comma is unnecessary. Below you leave out a comma where you have two subjects with two verbs. In this case, a comma is necessary.
"he’d given it" Don't use contractions.
"Fai then hands Dum a pistol and tells him to finish the job of killing the men who murdered his father. Dum is now an outlaw." Join these two sentences.
"Shifting back to the present, it is the night before Rumpoey's wedding." I'd make it "Shifting back to the present, where it is..."
"Rumpoey tries to hang herself, but is stopped by her maid. Fai plans to attack the governor's mansion. Mahesuan, suspecting that Dum intentionally let Kumjorn go free, betrays Dum. A gun battle ensues, but Dum escapes." Choppiness caused by trying to link all plot lines together at once.
Specify the wikilink for "white".
"Fai's men attack and Mahesuan discovers Rumpoey. " Comma needed.
"While carrying Rumpoey" Why is he carrying her?
"A raindrop drips through a hole in the brim of Mahesuan's hat, distracting him. Dum fires first, blowing Mahesuan's head off." Join these two with a "when" or an "as".
I would have made the comma changes myself, but I'm pressed for time at the moment.

Production

"It also draws on 1960s and 1970s Thai action cinema, so-called by critics" While what it refers to should be obvious, I tend to use the noun if there is any doubt. "so-called" sounds really awkward. Why not just "called"? Or "know by critics as"?
- Reworked that.
"novels of Thai humorist Por Intharapalit and an old Thai pop ballad" Any appropriate wikilinks would be appreciated here.
- I'll try to track down some info and start an article on Por Intharapalit.
"Wisit said in an interview." Source?
- An interview for the production notes. I've tacked the ref on at the end of each quote.
I'm puzzled by whether "The Heavens Strike the Thief" should be capitalized and italicized in the lead, and if so should it be the same in Origins? Is it a common title in the English world, which is the way it comes across in the lead? In Origins it sounds like it's just a a translation, in which caseI would say no caps or italics.
- It's not a standard English title, so I lower-cased it in the intro.
"'depending on the film's context,' the director said. Source?
- Same source as before.
"Fah talai jone is also the Thai name for an herb, Andrographis paniculata." This has what to do with the price of tea in China? It's just tacked on and sounds like it was lifted from a trivia section. Put it in context, or if there is nothing beyond coincidence then just say "coincidentally".
- I know that the director, like many Thais, takes great delight in puns and double meanings. At the cinema, silly puns will result in riotous laughter. It's really amazing. So probably the fact that there's an herb with the same name only heightens the meaning of the title. I reworked it so that this idea is clearer, I hope.
"the directorial debut for Wisit" There's a case for using either "for" or "of" here, and they have different connotations. I don't know enough to have an opinion, but you should and I just wanted to alert you to it.
- By Wisit?
  - That works too.
"Production design was by Ek Iemchuen,[10]" Why is this cite in the middle of a sentence? I don't think you will be challenged to prove that Ek did the production design but that he was a classmate. Move the cite to the end.
- Done.
"likay (Thai folk opera)" I'm not a fan of parentheses. I'd say "likay, a form of Thai folk opera."
- Or a Thai form of folk opera.
"Wisit said in a 2001 interview." Is it really important where he said what he said? I don't think that's the case here, so you can drop it and let the cite do the work.
- Done.
"Over-saturated colors were used as part of the overall production design to reflect scenes of rural Thailand, which the director saw as bright and colorful." Consider dropping "as part of the overall production design".
- Done
"Walls on the sets and locations were painted pink or green, and lighting was used to achieve the desired effect, but the film was additionally treated in the color grading process." This is a run-on. Also what was the desired effect? If it's saturation just say so.
- Done
Nice work with the no-break space in 35 mm. :)
- Thanks. I'm learning.
"To experiment with the set design and lighting effects, Wisit was able to try them out in a commercial he directed for Wrangler Jeans, " "To experiment" and "to try them out" is redundant. Simplify.
- Done.
"whom the director said" Everytime the director says something I think it should be cited. I'm not sure if I'm the only one, but it's a good idea nonetheless.
- Yes.
"There are experienced actors in the cast as well, including Sombat Metanee and Naiyana Sheewanun, who worked in the era of Thai filmmaking that Wisit was trying to recreate." Very flat, try rephrasing.
- Need to work on that some more. Can't think of any other way to say it.
For the old-style marketing, what is the name of the book they made?
- Same as the film.

Reception

"in a wide release in Thai cinemas." What about changing the second "in" to a "to"?
- Sure.
"It won best costume design for designer Chaiwichit Somboon at the Thailand National Film Association Awards." Rephrase to avoid saying "design" and "designer".
- Done.
"The Bangkok Critics Assembly" wikilink?
- Links provided to section of Cinema of Thailand article.
"Ek Iemchuen" or "Ek Iamchuen"? (Oh damn, I just realized that's an "I" not a lower-case "L". Don't know how you could avoid that...)
- IMDb really butchered the guy's name. Just did a correction.
I'm totally for accent marks on "premiere", but that's just me.
- Isn't premiere English? With the accents, it would be the French.
Looking at the awards, you might want to reevaluate which ones you mention in the lead. You should mention some of the many Thai ones, or just that it won many Thai awards.
- The Thai awards weren't that prestigious. If it had won best picture or best director I could see mentioning it up higher. It can be said in the intro, though, that it won many awards in Thailand.
"It also had theatrical releases in the United Kingdom, France and Japan." This bothers me because it makes it sound like the film owns these things. I don't know if you understand that, but I'd change it to "It was also theatrically released in ..."
- Done.
"Because of its blending of genres, colorful production design and conspicuous action, it has achieved cult status." Seems like every film I find has a cult now. Can this be proved?
- I have junked the cult status of the film, even though it probably exists. However, I can't prove it.
You're mixing standards again. Either use ' "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet." ' or ' "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet". '.
- What can I say? I'm an American working for a publication that uses British English. Most days, I don't know whether I'm coming or going.
"Edelstein wrote in a review for the film's 2007 US release" Don't know if this clause is necessary. Completely up to you to keep or cut.
- Cut it.

Distribution

"A string of limited releases is set for January-March 2007 with a Region 1 DVD release planned thereafter. It is the original version of the film." Incorporate that last sentence like you did in the lead.
- Okay.
"Miramax changed the ending" Is there any more info on this? What did they change it to? Why change it? Why shelve it? etc.
- Miramax routinely edited foreign films they purchased. I should be able to reference this. As for why it was shelved, that's more difficult to explain, but I'll try to find a reference.
The section heading "Distribution and DVD" could be changed to just "Distribution".
- Okay.

Soundtrack, miscellanae

"I'm so alone, so lonesome I could die" Should there be a period for this last line?
- I don't know. I try it out.
"See also: Music of Thailand" Is this needed?
- Probably not.
Is this on any other language wiki?
- I'll check. Seems like French Wikipedia should have it, and possibly Thai as well.
I'm not sure, but I think categories are supposed to alphabetized.
- You're right, they are.
Where the hell did the interview come from? The link is to just a text dump.
- It's a Japanese Thai film website. Parts of the interview are used in the Russian mirror of the Film Bangkok site. I believe it to be from the production notes.
The linebreaks in the soundtrack section are annoying, but what can you do?
- That's the standard from WP:ALBUM.
  - I figured as much, but the way the tracks are sometimes split across two lines is bothersome. It's only a minor aesthetics issue though.
Nice use of the auto-PR, and this article should pass GA once the plot is fixed.--Supernumerary 04:43, 11 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Comment: Thanks, again, for your hard work on this. I promise this will be the last peer review I seek for awhile. I'll try to pitch in with some myself. — WiseKwai 07:47, 11 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]