Wikipedia:Peer review/Batman Returns/archive1

Batman Returns

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for September 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.

I've listed this article for peer review because I need other feedback to get this to FA-status. I still need to add Tim Burton's DVD audio commentary, but I'm open to other suggestions. More importantly I probably should expand the lead section.

Thanks, Wildroot (talk) 00:10, 25 September 2008 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Very briefly, here are some suggestions for improvement. If you want more comments, please ask here.

• The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. Nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself - my rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way. Please see WP:LEAD
• Article needs a copyedit to clean up the language - an FA criterion is a professional level of English, but just in the lead there are problem sentences like Burton originally did not want to direct a sequel because of his mixed emotions of the previous film - "because of his mixed emotions of the previous film" is not grammatical, or ditto for "caused parental backlash controversy." in Batman Returns was released with financial and critical success, but caused parental backlash controversy. The top section of WP:PRV has people willing to help with copyedits.
• There are several places where the article needs to provide more context for the reader - for example in the Reaction subsection in the Reception section (Reaction is an odd name, by the way) there are many sentences like this Paul Dini enjoyed the characterization of Bruce Wayne. - while Paul Dini is wikilinked, there should also be a brief description of who he is - see WP:PCR A good example of this in the article is Batman comic book writer/artist Matt Wagner quoted, ... although "quoted" is an odd verb
• Refs should be in numerical so fix examples like Raquel Welch, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Lena Olin, Ellen Barkin, Cher, Bridget Fonda and Susan Sarandon were then in competition for the role.[11][3]
• A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow - see Wikipedia:Featured_articles#Media for the FAs on films

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 02:07, 3 October 2008 (UTC)